It is rainy outside and I feel tired.  I have been thru a few days of feeling angry.  I will not apologize for my anger.  I call it righteous anger.  I am angry that my mother in law is so self centered.  I feel as tho she just does not get it.  After numerous confrontations with her, I am tired.  She has not done the hard work of healing.  She plays head games.  She does not know they are head games, this is how she has played out her life.  I would think she thinks if she pouts, withdraws, lies about her abusive behavior that I will play her game.  Nope, not about playing games.  I have no more to give.  My family is here to take care of her and she makes it so hard to nuture and care for her.  She will not accept the love I have, nor the love her son shows her.  There have been times that she is not this way.  Because she has been this way for 4 years I do not trust the good times.  The good times are basically being treated with respect.  I do not ask for much, just respect me as I am.  I am angry that I am living here and know that she will not change.  She is 90 years old and is too old to go inside and see that she is creating a lot of stress by her very actions.   The world does not revolve around her.  Sad that she will die some day and go to the grave a very unhappy person.  She shows no empathy for her son, grandson or myself.  If she is empathetic she hides it well.  So I stay away.  At least I have enough self esteem to not TRY to love a person like my mother in law who does not accept the love I have.  The well is dry.  I will be amicable, but not go out of my way for her.  Thank goodness i have a place to go down in the basement with my art supplies, TV, computer and nuture myself.  As long as she is not nice and creates disention in the family, I will not hang around her.  Guess she will just have to be by herself.