I know with out a doubt that healing from the sexual, emotional and physical abuse has got to be the most IMPORTANT thing I can do for the wounded chidl inside of me.  It has been a long and hard road to healing.  I have cried over many, many parts of my life that were lost because of the abuse.  I know I am greiving for a lost life.  I now see after 20 years of recovery just how damaged I was.  How did I know that having sex with many men would only damage me further.  I now see that it did.  I was reinacting the sexual abuse over and over, and in the process was looking for love, not sex.  I did not know what I know now.   I thought all the men I had sex with loved me.  I would think that as a little girl the men who sexually abused me loved me.  I know now it is the furthest thing from the truth. I used sex to get love.  I am so grateful for the therapy I have received over the last 20 years.  My present therapist who is an  EMDR specialist has been helpful in me remembering.  Think I am getting to the trauma that was long forgotten, or just repressed.  I know whatever comes up in the rapid eye movement will be of benefit to me.  Once, as my therapist said, I remember the pockets of trauma over a 23 year period I will become more intergrated.  This has been the most difficult process I have ever gone thru in my 60 years of living.  But I cannot stop this process.  Once I opened Pandora's box, as I call it, it all came crashing thru.  Not all of the memories but many.  In looking at the past I had to endure, I am now fully aware of just how damaged I was by the foster family I lived with as well as the other abusers.  I was set up to believe all I was good for was to be touched.  I lived my life believing that.   I no longer believe that of myself.  I am a good, caring , intelligent and very courageous  person to take this path I have chosen to take, with all its pain. I will never give up on myself.  I am worth every tear I cry for that wounded child that still lives within me.