Mornings, well just this morning is hard . I had a boil I didn't even realize that was brewing and ready to erupt despite the normal hurt, pain , stinging, burning and utter discomfort. I didn't bother to make much of it because I have become too accustomed to feeling this way. Until the POP! Then the ooze and when I check... oh shit!!!!! FUCK! I will never catch a break with this fucking curse! Not matter my efforts or doing nothing, I still suffer!!!! 
I have given up all hope at this point. Nothing has worked and based on my research and talking with doctors and surgeons, the prognosis is the same. I'M FUCK'd!!!! Like where do I go from here, no cure. No manageable treatment options or relief, not even a time when I can be sorta normal to even get my mind off of it...just for a little while. No reprieve, never any peace!
I can't get a break from either being insecure about drainage smell, leakage, concealing bandages, avoiding contact with others. Always on hypervigliant , anxious and always depressed. No break from the pain, and utter shame that I have to feel with this problem. I am emotionally drained, broken and stuck in torture! HS is keeping me from the rest of the world and is the most difficult  part. I can't do much or any of the activities I would love... swimming, traveling, hiking, camping, dating, sex, intimacy, comfort, even sleeping. I have no light at the end of the tunnel, like ever! This shit fukn sucks in the worse way possible!!!