Update
I started to comment on my last post, then decided to just write a new one.
BFN this morning. I refigured and today is 14 dpo if I ovulated the day of the positive OPK. 13dpo if I ovulated the next morning. So, either 13 or 14. So, a test should be accurate by now, right?
There's this little voice telling me it still could be early. But then the mean, realistic voice in my head tells me to get real.
I know most signs don't show up until around 5 or 6 weeks, which is after a test will for sure tell you. But there are definitely things that are different this time from normal cycles...and quite reminiscent of the pregnancy I lost. But I don't know how much Femara affects the last part of the cycle. I know it causes ovulation, but it kind of makes sense in my head that then it would also change the balance of hormones in the 2ww, just by virtue of changing them in the beginning. So how can I trust anything that is going on with my body...or in my head. They've both messed with me so many times. The big one that's throwing me is that my basal temp is still pretty high, so I know AF isn't coming in the next few days. If I ovulated - which I know I did - it should be starting to drop at this point. Grr. I freaking hate my body today.
Fortunately, I had a counseling appointment already set for this morning, so I was able to go cry in her office for a while. And I'm glad I had the day off cause I haven't been able to stop crying. I was kinda panicky about not having a plan or knowing what to do. She suggested taking a day to just be sad. And worry about a plan tomorrow. She also suggested an activity to release some of the anger and emotion, which I kind of liked and think I might do tomorrow. She said to go buy a dozen eggs. Then write on each egg something that I was angry or upset about. And then throw that egg with everything I've got at something and break it into smithereens. I especially liked the symbolism - which I'm not sure she really thought about - of it being eggs, cause why the hell can't my eggs get it together? I mean, I don't know if it's my eggs or not, but since no one seems to know what is wrong they seem like just as likely of a culprit.
So tomorrow I'm gonna go take it out on some poor innocent eggs. And then I'm going to figure out where we go from here.
And I hate that I always seem to write a crazy bitch sounding journal at this point in my cycle. I figure you must all think I'm slightly unstable. :)
BFN this morning. I refigured and today is 14 dpo if I ovulated the day of the positive OPK. 13dpo if I ovulated the next morning. So, either 13 or 14. So, a test should be accurate by now, right?
There's this little voice telling me it still could be early. But then the mean, realistic voice in my head tells me to get real.
I know most signs don't show up until around 5 or 6 weeks, which is after a test will for sure tell you. But there are definitely things that are different this time from normal cycles...and quite reminiscent of the pregnancy I lost. But I don't know how much Femara affects the last part of the cycle. I know it causes ovulation, but it kind of makes sense in my head that then it would also change the balance of hormones in the 2ww, just by virtue of changing them in the beginning. So how can I trust anything that is going on with my body...or in my head. They've both messed with me so many times. The big one that's throwing me is that my basal temp is still pretty high, so I know AF isn't coming in the next few days. If I ovulated - which I know I did - it should be starting to drop at this point. Grr. I freaking hate my body today.
Fortunately, I had a counseling appointment already set for this morning, so I was able to go cry in her office for a while. And I'm glad I had the day off cause I haven't been able to stop crying. I was kinda panicky about not having a plan or knowing what to do. She suggested taking a day to just be sad. And worry about a plan tomorrow. She also suggested an activity to release some of the anger and emotion, which I kind of liked and think I might do tomorrow. She said to go buy a dozen eggs. Then write on each egg something that I was angry or upset about. And then throw that egg with everything I've got at something and break it into smithereens. I especially liked the symbolism - which I'm not sure she really thought about - of it being eggs, cause why the hell can't my eggs get it together? I mean, I don't know if it's my eggs or not, but since no one seems to know what is wrong they seem like just as likely of a culprit.
So tomorrow I'm gonna go take it out on some poor innocent eggs. And then I'm going to figure out where we go from here.
And I hate that I always seem to write a crazy bitch sounding journal at this point in my cycle. I figure you must all think I'm slightly unstable. :)
Replies
You\'re not unstable at all. By no means do I think that nor does anyone else on here I\'m sure.
I\'m sorry about the BFN....which brand test did you take?
I think the high temperature still keeps you in the game.
And it doesn\'t necessarily take to week 5 or 6 to have pregnancy symptoms.
My last pregnancy (November) I had extremely sore boobs and nausea at 3-1/2 weeks pregnant...my period wasn\'t even due yet.
I don\'t know much about Femara and how it affects the cycle either. I have a prescription for it but haven\'t tried it yet.
Just know I\'m thinking of you. And I\'m loving the egg exercise. Throw them HARD. I would :)
Thank you so much for your thoughts. It\'s always comforting just to not feel so alone.
I took a FRER, which I think are supposed to be pretty accurate. With my pregnancy before, my boobs were beyond sore for at least 4-5 days before I actually tested and that\'s the big symptom that is missing this time. I\'ve been super crampy and beyond tired for about a week. I mean feeling like I absolutely need a nap in the middle of the afternoon - not want one, mind you, need one. Which is VERY unlike me. So all week I\'ve kind of felt that hope building even though I tried to keep it at bay. My abdomen just feels weird.
Anyway, I think I\'ll keep checking my temp and test again in a few days if it hasn\'t started dropping.
Thank you again and I\'ll throw an egg for you. :)
I\'m so sorry about your BFN, there are never any words anyone can say to make us feel better a tough and bitter reality. Thank God that your therapy appointment was on that day, I\'m sure you really needed to let it out. I think the egg symbolism is pretty cool, I need to remind myself to do that. I agree with your therapist, take the time to grieve, then think of the next step when your ready. I know you will bounce right back and start your next step with hope again. Thinking of you today.
I don\'t think you are unstable, and I am 100% sure nobody else on DS does either! I am hoping you tested too early (did you use the first response two line test?) and there\'s still hope for this cycle. I was a day late this month (I just got AF) and almost bought a test but then AF showed. I am LOVING this egg idea and am going to steal it :) I am so happy you are seeking counseling because I know what a huge blessing it is to have one to help through this awful journey. Thinking of you xo