Back again

I can't beleive this is all happening. He just sent me away and abandoned me. I can't get closure, I dream of him every night. I'm not good enough. Not for him not for anyone. I deserve pain, I want to die sometimes. Everything felt perfect, it was perfect, now it's just nothing. I am left on my own scrambling to get back on my feet. I cut again. Everyday almost. When I don't cut I look for punishment in other places, arguments starving myself. I tried to break my foot once but I chickened out and just bruised it.