Vacation
Yesterday my daughter and I came home from our first vacation without Dina. We spent the week down Cape Cod. A brother of my soon to be sister-in-law let me use the vacation rental home he owns free of charge for a week. A very generous offer from him and his wife that I am extremely grateful for.
It was a fun week but emotionally up and down. Leading up to it I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew it would be difficult at times and I was right. It started with packing. That's when it really hit me that we were really going away without her. I had to think of everything that I needed to bring for Hannah. That was something Dina usually took the lead on but she wasn't there for that. We got down there on Sunday. While I was unpacking Hannah was running around and telling me how much she "loved our new house". Once I was done I started to feel a little disengaged. I knew it was happening but I couldn't really do anything about it. It was early enough that we could have do something but I just let Hannah continue to play around the house. I just didn't have it in me. After we ate dinner I took her for a walk down to the beach we had very easy access to.
The next morning we went down to the beach early but that didn't really change how I was feeling. I was playing with Hannah but I just wasn't fully into it. It didn't help that the tide was already out and it was a bit hot. That afternoon my younger brother, his wife and their 1 year old arrived. I had asked them to come with me because I wasn't up for a solo vacation yet. Once they got settled we went back to the beach. I think that's when things began to turn a little. The tide was coming in and Hannah was able to play with her cousin that she adores. And I was able to unload some feelings on some loved ones. Things got better from there.
My twin brother arrived on Tuesday evening and stayed the rest of the week. On Thursday my in-laws, parents and a friend and her son came to visit. We spent a lot of time at the beach during the week, visited both Hyannis and Provincetown, went to dinner a couple times and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a little more difficult than I had expected going into it but overall it was good. I had fun and Hannah had a blast. I know I need to do things like this for both her and myself. While it was not my ideal vacation because Dina wasn't with us I'm glad to have this first one under my belt. I know she would want me to do this kind of stuff despite how hard it might be for me.
It was a fun week but emotionally up and down. Leading up to it I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew it would be difficult at times and I was right. It started with packing. That's when it really hit me that we were really going away without her. I had to think of everything that I needed to bring for Hannah. That was something Dina usually took the lead on but she wasn't there for that. We got down there on Sunday. While I was unpacking Hannah was running around and telling me how much she "loved our new house". Once I was done I started to feel a little disengaged. I knew it was happening but I couldn't really do anything about it. It was early enough that we could have do something but I just let Hannah continue to play around the house. I just didn't have it in me. After we ate dinner I took her for a walk down to the beach we had very easy access to.
The next morning we went down to the beach early but that didn't really change how I was feeling. I was playing with Hannah but I just wasn't fully into it. It didn't help that the tide was already out and it was a bit hot. That afternoon my younger brother, his wife and their 1 year old arrived. I had asked them to come with me because I wasn't up for a solo vacation yet. Once they got settled we went back to the beach. I think that's when things began to turn a little. The tide was coming in and Hannah was able to play with her cousin that she adores. And I was able to unload some feelings on some loved ones. Things got better from there.
My twin brother arrived on Tuesday evening and stayed the rest of the week. On Thursday my in-laws, parents and a friend and her son came to visit. We spent a lot of time at the beach during the week, visited both Hyannis and Provincetown, went to dinner a couple times and just enjoyed each other's company. It was a little more difficult than I had expected going into it but overall it was good. I had fun and Hannah had a blast. I know I need to do things like this for both her and myself. While it was not my ideal vacation because Dina wasn't with us I'm glad to have this first one under my belt. I know she would want me to do this kind of stuff despite how hard it might be for me.
Replies
I think Dina would be so proud of you. I can just tell you that maybe u dont realize how blessed you are for having such a beautiful baby. My husband and I were planning a baby for next year, and I have nothing left but pain. Your little girl is the perfect picture of God\'s faithfulness and of your love with Dina.
These times are hard. I think that you are a great father. I am glad you got to experience a little joy. I agree with BCHRISTINA. Dina will always be with you in spirit.