Tomorrow I meet my oncologist for the first time and have another transvaginal ultrasound. I don't want to go. I know it's stupid but I dont. Its been almost two and a half weeks since I found out I have Cancer and I would kind of like to just pretend its not happening and spend all day or maybe forever sleeping. I know I can't do this but I'd like too....
I'm nervous about tomorrow. I'm nervous that I'll start bleeding during the ultrasound. I'm nervous that I'll burst into tears in front of the doctor and not be able to stop. I'm nervous that I'll get worse news then I aready got- that my doctor didn't tell me everything. I'm nervous there will be complications for the surgery I need to have because of my weight issues....that I'll have to have a much worse one. I'm nervous to walk into the same freaking building that my mother went to almost on a weekly basis for eight years fighting cancer....a battle she didn't win. The last time I was there was when they told us there was nothing else they could do.
Yeah as I wish I coukd just stay home and sleep in my pretend world where nothing is wrong....
I'm nervous about tomorrow. I'm nervous that I'll start bleeding during the ultrasound. I'm nervous that I'll burst into tears in front of the doctor and not be able to stop. I'm nervous that I'll get worse news then I aready got- that my doctor didn't tell me everything. I'm nervous there will be complications for the surgery I need to have because of my weight issues....that I'll have to have a much worse one. I'm nervous to walk into the same freaking building that my mother went to almost on a weekly basis for eight years fighting cancer....a battle she didn't win. The last time I was there was when they told us there was nothing else they could do.
Yeah as I wish I coukd just stay home and sleep in my pretend world where nothing is wrong....
Replies
Wow, you do have some real stress issues. My doctor had suggested an ultrasound but I asked about the cost and he said it really wouldn\'t make any difference so we didn\'t do it.
I\'m sorry about the memories. I didn\'t have any like that but the hospital I went to and later worked was the one where my aunt died suddenly. I always wondered which room she was in. Was it where I was or which one??
I was not a small person because the estrogen overload made me gain about 80 pounds from the time my problems started. I was given about a 50/50 chance to survive with what happened to me the first time and had an exploratory. My hysterectomy was done about 7 weeks after that.
My good friend had uterine cancer and it was enclosed. She needed no treatments after. That was several years ago and she is doing quite well.
If you start bleeding during the ultrasound, they should understand. Just take something with you to wear home. Most offices have a box of tissues too! They are used to emotions taking over.
I had some good advice from a co-worker. \"You are not going to do anything that hasn\'t already been done so don\'t beat yourself up about it.\" Hold your head up and take a deep breath.
After working in a hospital, I can testify that you see everything and don\'t think anything about it. Professional nurses and techs are well trained to help a person feel at ease. If they don\'t they don\'t belong there.
Good luck tomorrow. Take care
Mary