Struggling

It's been a hard day. It's been a bad day. I'm sick of crying. It's been 23 weeks since I found out, almost 25 weeks since he ended it. The affair was less than 2 1/2 months but those few months destroyed my life. I've never been blessed with high self esteem but knowing what my husband has done has demolished every ounce I had. I think if I turned to God maybe it woud help. But I'm too selfish. I don't want to be a good person and just forgive them for what they did to me. I want them to hurt too and I know that's not a nice thing. I watch people on tv or on the street and they think they are so in love and all I think about is the fact that it is probably all fake and eventually someone will end up hurt. I'm trying to finish a school project but I can't focus on my school work all I can think about is him with her. Why can't I move on? Why can't I be important enough to not care? I wish writing these words would pull them from me and they would be gone. I wish healing was as easy as simply putting my pain into words.