Dreams
I struggle from multiple issues that effect my ability to "handle" life. Early sexual trauma, depression, low-self esteem, and now fibromyalgia. My husband started the "you just THINK you have fibro" a few nights ago and it made me frustrated and I did my best to tell him my true feelings.
I've had a lot of nights with very little sleep, not only from pain but from whatever else is on my mind.
A day or two ago I woke up at 5:30 (1.5 hours before my designated alarm time) after having a dream about someone that I was in love with back in high school. He did not reciprocate those feelings -- though he played a boatload of MIND GAMES. Anyway, he is not in my life and I don't usually think of him. I've got a million better things and more important things on my plate.
But it got me wondering WHY I still have dreams about this person when he never loved me and only served to break me when I was especially vulnerable. I don't know why this person has the ability to effect my subconscious so many years later.
I'm sure there is "unfinished business" with him, but I don't have any desire to delve into it. I love my husband and I am desirous to stop all dreams of exes and focus on the good in my life.
This man was more like the things I dreamed of having as a teenager (involved in church being first and foremost). But my taste in men has changed. I would love if my husband was interested in my church but he's not and I've spent a lot of time in prayer coming to grips with it. No matter what, my husband genuinely loves me and this former flame (if I could even call him that) gave me no such love or concern.
I would rather dream about my husband, my parents, my children, and other real things than a jerk who found the way to hurt an already pained girl even more. I'm sure he would have a different perspective, so I should be fair and admit that. I am friends with nearly all of my former boyfriends (not close but at least facebook friends), so maybe that';s part of the issue? I don't know.
Dreams are such a weird and frustrating thing for me. I can't control them anymore and the hubby doesn't really want to hear about the minutia of them.
Anyway. My daughters are off to birthday parties and my son is about to get into pj's, so I will try to find something enjoyable for myself. Louis CK made me laugh like a madwoman this morning, so we'll see what happens tonight.
Dea
I've had a lot of nights with very little sleep, not only from pain but from whatever else is on my mind.
A day or two ago I woke up at 5:30 (1.5 hours before my designated alarm time) after having a dream about someone that I was in love with back in high school. He did not reciprocate those feelings -- though he played a boatload of MIND GAMES. Anyway, he is not in my life and I don't usually think of him. I've got a million better things and more important things on my plate.
But it got me wondering WHY I still have dreams about this person when he never loved me and only served to break me when I was especially vulnerable. I don't know why this person has the ability to effect my subconscious so many years later.
I'm sure there is "unfinished business" with him, but I don't have any desire to delve into it. I love my husband and I am desirous to stop all dreams of exes and focus on the good in my life.
This man was more like the things I dreamed of having as a teenager (involved in church being first and foremost). But my taste in men has changed. I would love if my husband was interested in my church but he's not and I've spent a lot of time in prayer coming to grips with it. No matter what, my husband genuinely loves me and this former flame (if I could even call him that) gave me no such love or concern.
I would rather dream about my husband, my parents, my children, and other real things than a jerk who found the way to hurt an already pained girl even more. I'm sure he would have a different perspective, so I should be fair and admit that. I am friends with nearly all of my former boyfriends (not close but at least facebook friends), so maybe that';s part of the issue? I don't know.
Dreams are such a weird and frustrating thing for me. I can't control them anymore and the hubby doesn't really want to hear about the minutia of them.
Anyway. My daughters are off to birthday parties and my son is about to get into pj's, so I will try to find something enjoyable for myself. Louis CK made me laugh like a madwoman this morning, so we'll see what happens tonight.
Dea
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