Hurting
I'm in pain.
It's gone from in my head and chest to my limbs and muscles.
The carpal tunnel wakes me in the night and I cry. My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My shoulders. My stomach is aching tonight and I don't know if it's gas or anxiety or what. I'm tired of complaining about my husband but he makes it so easy. He made pasta sauces today that made a HUGE mess and left it. In the late afternoon he said, "You don't have anyone coming tomorrow, do you?" We have therapists every day. I responded, "Actually, we have a therapist at 8am." He said, "Sorry." There was no cleaning it up. Apology is cleaning it up. He absolutely left it there for ME to clean it up. :-(I have been off the Lexapro for almost a week and so I guess it was not that surprising tonight caught me and hurt me emotionally. I got it under control quickly because I've been pushing it all down. I've been trying to smooth things between me and my husband because I don't want that angry energy flowing through the house. He needs sex. I can tell that's what this is about. I have a terrible yeast infection, too, so it's just another thing I'm going to add to my list of what's wrong when I go back to the doc this week. My heart feels empty. What do I do? My daughter wants a car so bad and he won't even consider it. I often feel as though he's angry with me because I can't make my ex-husband do all of the things my husband thinks HE should do and provide. If I had that power he would have been the man he was supposed to be in the first place. I know I should not be crying over things that are out of my control and are the could have should have would haves, and I know I'm holding on to little things instead of keeping my eye on the big picture, but don't the little pixels make the big picture? Put enough black and grey pixels into a picture and it's just a black sadness?I want to be whole.I want my insides both temporally and emotionally to stop hurting.Where is the relief I am seeking?Oh I need help.Maybe crying a little can help.
dea
It's gone from in my head and chest to my limbs and muscles.
The carpal tunnel wakes me in the night and I cry. My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My shoulders. My stomach is aching tonight and I don't know if it's gas or anxiety or what. I'm tired of complaining about my husband but he makes it so easy. He made pasta sauces today that made a HUGE mess and left it. In the late afternoon he said, "You don't have anyone coming tomorrow, do you?" We have therapists every day. I responded, "Actually, we have a therapist at 8am." He said, "Sorry." There was no cleaning it up. Apology is cleaning it up. He absolutely left it there for ME to clean it up. :-(I have been off the Lexapro for almost a week and so I guess it was not that surprising tonight caught me and hurt me emotionally. I got it under control quickly because I've been pushing it all down. I've been trying to smooth things between me and my husband because I don't want that angry energy flowing through the house. He needs sex. I can tell that's what this is about. I have a terrible yeast infection, too, so it's just another thing I'm going to add to my list of what's wrong when I go back to the doc this week. My heart feels empty. What do I do? My daughter wants a car so bad and he won't even consider it. I often feel as though he's angry with me because I can't make my ex-husband do all of the things my husband thinks HE should do and provide. If I had that power he would have been the man he was supposed to be in the first place. I know I should not be crying over things that are out of my control and are the could have should have would haves, and I know I'm holding on to little things instead of keeping my eye on the big picture, but don't the little pixels make the big picture? Put enough black and grey pixels into a picture and it's just a black sadness?I want to be whole.I want my insides both temporally and emotionally to stop hurting.Where is the relief I am seeking?Oh I need help.Maybe crying a little can help.
dea
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