Up and Down
I'm still feeling sad.
When I try to talk to my DH I find myself frustrated and then I just withdraw. So many things in our home have fallen into disrepair because someone should have kept up the maintenance and someone put it off. That's just what happens. I let papers stack up. The recycling needs to be taken out. The kitchen sink is trying to back up. The car needs an oil change. Blah.
Kids put off homework and projects. Teachers don't expect the kids to really do them on their own. They expect parents to "help" and that means a child should take the parents' advice, maybe? Not my kid. I might have well been born 20 minutes ago and have no knowledge of any relevance. The same goes for DH. While he was away on business my daughters and I took boxes to Goodwill. Clothes, mostly. But there was a mattress in the girls' closet, doubled over, taking up valuable closet real estate, and I've wanted it gone since it came into our home 8+ years ago. Now it's gone. I was told I should have asked him, first, and he would have told me no. Too bad for him, because it's gone and I wanted it gone. I want a lot of things gone and cleaned up.
But the depression holds me back.
I bought mixed nuts to try to quell my intense emotional eating desire. I bought a couple of bottles of CF diet COke, too, but I'm already through a bottle tonight. Not having sugar is really tough for me. It's my coping mechanism. Like a drug, I guess. I miss food, especially sugar. I miss getting that instant high from sugar and chocolate.
I'll send my kids to school tomorrow and come home and clean, again. I wish I had access to a scale so I could weigh myself at least once a week and see if I'm losing weight or if things are sabotaging me. I've really stayed off the sugar. The only sugar I've had is in BBQ sauce today, a little in a vinaigrette dressing, and the LC strawberry yogurt I had today. I desperately have to come up with a bake and go meal for chicken tomorrow.
I am starting to yawn so I guess that means I'm finally drowsy enough to go to sleep. I want to do and be better. Tomorrow I have to make phone calls and I loathe making calls. This will not be fun.
How do I get out of my head and start experiencing today for today?We'll start again tomorrow.
DD
When I try to talk to my DH I find myself frustrated and then I just withdraw. So many things in our home have fallen into disrepair because someone should have kept up the maintenance and someone put it off. That's just what happens. I let papers stack up. The recycling needs to be taken out. The kitchen sink is trying to back up. The car needs an oil change. Blah.
Kids put off homework and projects. Teachers don't expect the kids to really do them on their own. They expect parents to "help" and that means a child should take the parents' advice, maybe? Not my kid. I might have well been born 20 minutes ago and have no knowledge of any relevance. The same goes for DH. While he was away on business my daughters and I took boxes to Goodwill. Clothes, mostly. But there was a mattress in the girls' closet, doubled over, taking up valuable closet real estate, and I've wanted it gone since it came into our home 8+ years ago. Now it's gone. I was told I should have asked him, first, and he would have told me no. Too bad for him, because it's gone and I wanted it gone. I want a lot of things gone and cleaned up.
But the depression holds me back.
I bought mixed nuts to try to quell my intense emotional eating desire. I bought a couple of bottles of CF diet COke, too, but I'm already through a bottle tonight. Not having sugar is really tough for me. It's my coping mechanism. Like a drug, I guess. I miss food, especially sugar. I miss getting that instant high from sugar and chocolate.
I'll send my kids to school tomorrow and come home and clean, again. I wish I had access to a scale so I could weigh myself at least once a week and see if I'm losing weight or if things are sabotaging me. I've really stayed off the sugar. The only sugar I've had is in BBQ sauce today, a little in a vinaigrette dressing, and the LC strawberry yogurt I had today. I desperately have to come up with a bake and go meal for chicken tomorrow.
I am starting to yawn so I guess that means I'm finally drowsy enough to go to sleep. I want to do and be better. Tomorrow I have to make phone calls and I loathe making calls. This will not be fun.
How do I get out of my head and start experiencing today for today?We'll start again tomorrow.
DD
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