Angry

 Sorry to say i'm seething with anger at the way I've been treated over the last two years since getting ill again.  Maybe it's the quiet here or the added hardships of living that are bringing out of me.  I have never felt this way before and is frightening, alien to me and yet I could explode in seconds if approached in the wrong way. So sick of not living in the peace I crave.  maybe I should just disapear. It seems so appealing. I have found a new lady that has started at the day hospital who we just seem to click together.  Everything has been perfect but i'm aware that I'm supposed to be unhealthy to live with according to the professionals and that I had given up on relationships in order to persue the spiritual path again.  we shall see what happens but it would be good to hold her and spend time together.  Very scared I will hurt her as i'm said to have done with my X.  Confused, feeling very ill and not to hot at all and slipping downwards. Large dose of tranqs and beta blockers to keep me calm tonight. seriously fed up with no wish to see another day.