Hello my friends. I've written this once and appears not to have been put up? maybe because I was still high and very wobbly on the OD i took friday night. No real reson other than I'm sick to the back teeth of the mental torment i've had for as long as i can remember.  Sick of hurting in the most excrusiating manner. so calmly and quite happily i used every drug i'd saved up and half a bottle of brandy and took the lot.Apparently i was in a comma for 24 hrs and only my intolerence to booze caused me to be sick and up chuck enough pills not to finish me off.  I new i shouldn't have had the booze. tastes foul anyway.Refused entry into hosp as they're to noisy for me, I need peace and quite, so at 3am on sunday morning i was dumped outside the A@E department in a very wobbly state to find my way home. (Don't you just love the NHS) at least i had enough cash to get a taxi. Since then I've just wobbled round and now having withdrawel symtoms from my diazepam :-)  life is bliss!!!!!  Have made 1st moves into applying for ordination. what use a nutter will be i don't know but the peace and quite for the rest of my days appeals very much. sorry this journal is such bad news. hopefully better soon. Love to all of you! D