Me

Ok here is my story that I am not looking forward to telling and I really do not need to be ridiculed for it. I messed up somewhat and someone let me have it today earlier. At first I was really pissed but I guess she was only trying to help but her words cut like a knife.Here it is, I went to a rodeo Saturday Night with two other couples and then we went to a bar that I use to work at. I drank. I had two white russians.. Its not that I got drunk because believe me it would have taken alot more then two drinks. I didnt feel guilty or like I was going to want to drink everyday again. But I did have two cocktails. On Sunday, we went to Als daughter in laws birthday party. I didnt have any drinks until later on and I then had Rick make me one drink but I didnt even finish it.. I dont feel guilty and I dont feel like it is the biggest mistake I have made but I would guess others would say that once and alcoholic then always an alcoholic. This woman had some real heart wrenching things to say about it. I will post it here.Hey, I saw you fell off the wagon this weekend.-In Leslee J's journal. Yep, your cured all right! Just like me! Lol I wish I lived closer cause I'd throw your butt in my old Saab and take you to a meeting until you liked going. You did great but a sponsee of mine that had almost 3 months fell off the wagon this weekend too. I couldn't even get her to go to one meeting a week. She doesn't like to leave the house. She doesn't want it bad enough! It isn't supposed to be easy to stay sober any more then it is for a diabetic to stick the insulin needle in their stomach every day, but we do what we must to survive. Meetings are a small price to pay for me today. I have a good life today. I didn't want to go either but it isn't a choice for me today. I almost died of alcoholism and you will too. It's a disease just like cancer. What's this about 2 white russians? That is a sissy drink. If your going to relapse and try some controlled drinking go out and buy a half gallon. Put it on the kitchen table. Put the AA hotline number next to the half gallon. Take a coffee mug out of the cupboard. In that put your car keys, a picture of your kids, the title to your house and then commence to getting shitfaced and kiss your life home and everything you love goodbye. Alcohol is the great remover. It owned me, lock stock and barrel for 10 years. It even took my breaths for me in the end. i never drew a sober breath the last 3 years. I was a pitiful wreck. Sometimes that is what we need to do to get sober. I had to drink every drink I drank to get sober and so do you. I'm not mad at you but I'm just letting you know what you already know. Your done for. The man takes a drink, the drink takes another drink, the drink takes the man. All it takes is one drink to get it going. There is no ((one)) drink for us. How about posting something on the alcohol page? There is some good support there. If you don't want anyone to know another good board is soberrecovery.com or stayingcyber.org. I'll keep you in my prayers and call on me at any time. I understand. Ask God for help, I have never been to an AA meeting and I have nothing against them. I do have an AA book and have looked through it. To each their own I guess. I just havent done it. I dont feel myself a failure and I have no thoughts of having a drink today. I do not want to die from alcohol like my ex has done and I dont want to be a failure to Al, my kids or to any of my friends. I did it, I admit to it and thats that. I hope that my real friends will still love me and not consider me a quitter. I did what I did and that is that. I just dont feel guilty about it, thats all. Sorry.On a better note, we had another calf on Saturday morning and its doing well. I am more of a city girl and not been around the farming stuff except when I was young and my mom and dad were married and we had horses and chickens etc. I have been doing it the last four years since I have been with Al and I have enjoyed it quite a bit. Anyways, the new calf was so cute and I wanted to get real close to it and look at it and maybe pet it..lmao.. well the mother was not happy and put her head down and headed towards me full stream. Al told me to get back in the truck so I didnt get hurt.. Well I guess calfs are not for petting. I will stick with my dog and kitty. My kitty that Al has named Trouble has not had her babys yet but she is getting real fat. Last night and all early this morning she was in on my bed, purring and licking me and getting on my face and head and was very irritating.. I hope she is getting ready to have kitties and that I am not going to have to be up at all hours dealing with her.. lmao.. she is so cute though.Well thats my story and Im sticking with it.. I am starting over on the sobriety even though I did not get DRUNK. Oh well, sorry everyone.. Y'Vonne