13 DAYS SOBER.. Yahooo. Although I did drink a half of  one beer yesterday.. I hate beer thank God but was out working on Als old house he is going to rent and the guys out painting were drinking some so I had half a one. Did not bring back any cravings and didnt want to continue when I got home.. lol.. Feeling well about that decision and its getting easier everyday.Well the pain in my lower back is not getting better. I dont know if it is from painting all the trim in the house but there hasnt been that much bending or lifting but I just dont know. Four years ago I got a horrible staff infection from an operation and it was in my body for quite sometime. It started to shut off all my internal organs and was close to my spine. I didnt feel good for a long time and had horrible back pain. I kept seeing drs and the emergency room. My dr. would just give me shots in my back but it would not take away the pain. One day I woke up and couldnt even move because of the pain in my back. It had been storming and my power was out and my phone was out so I could not call 911. I somehow made it out of my bed and crawled on my belly down the stairs and got to my front door and got it open. Luckily the neighbor kids were playing outside so I yelled for them and their parents took me to the hospital. My mother met them there and again they said my insurance didnt cover back problems and gave me shots of morphine until I could stand on my own. Went back to the drs. (one on call) and my mom demanded they take blood tests. She stayed with me that night and got me to my chripractor the next day. He took a look at me and said there was nothing he could do and demanded to know my drs. number. He called my dr and said he needed to get me in there immediately. I got in with my mother and he decided he would give me another shot and my mom asked about the blood tests. He said blood tests? Went and got my charts and his face turned pale as a ghost as they got me an ambulance and sent me to the hospital. Come to find out I had staff so bad that it was shutting off my internal organs. No wonder I could not walk from the pain. The hardest part after that was trying to find any hospital or Dr. that would operate on me with all the staff I had. After two days my dr found a dr. at a hospital that said he would take me but I would be his last charity case, if these drs couldnt handle it he was tired of taking over for them. He was the meanest dr I have ever seen. He told my mother and my sister in law that I was dying and he didnt think he could save me. He told them that if anyone wanted to see me alive they better get them to the hospital cause he didnt think I would make it. Then he asked my mom if I did introvenious drugs like heroin? He thought I was an addict cause he could not figure out how I could have such a bad case of staff. They ran every test in the world on me all though I dont remember much as I was on so many drugs and had such a high temperature that my lips had boils of liquid all over them. They ran everything from hep to aids and found nothing except the staff. Needless to say about 30 family members and friends showed up in the waiting room and they let them in a couple at a time to say goodbye to my sorry ass.(wearing gloves and face protection and not allowed to touch me)  I was so sick I would just tell them goodbye cause at that time I guess I really didnt understand that I could be dying. I was in surgery for a number of hours and after I came through he told me had done the best he could do but he still didnt think I would live. He had cut into my stomache about 2 inches from my left hip about 4 inches in length and had drain tubes coming out of it. He also cut through my right back hip and buttocks (right through my tatoo, which I dont think was necessary to cut directly there) and had drain tubes through it. Ok now I have drain tubes through my stomache and my buttocks, how am I suppose to lay down?.. It wasnt easy and the pain was excruciating.  The nurse told me they had allready removed two liters of infection through the operation and the drains were still filling. I also had to have a blood transfusion. Fun huh? After a few days in intensive care they took me to another floor that was not as intensive, I guess. A specialist came in to check my back and told me if the staff went to spine he would have to cut me from the back of my neck down to my tailbone and scrape it. He said I could end up parelized or worse.. That was inspiring.. While there I started having the horrible back pain and I kept ringing for a nurse ( a male nasty nurse at that) and it was just when some neighbors were coming to visit so they came in and demanded for a nurse to come give me something. Nasty male nurse came in and said that I had infection heading to the spine so they were going to put tubes in my back but he would give me pain meds and morphine and I wouldnt feel a thing. They rolled me down to another room where the attendents had me roll over on to my belly with the drains smashing into me, not an easy thing to do. The dr. kept running tiny tubes into my back getting bigger in diameter on each one. I wish I could have died. I kept telling him that. I begged him to stop as I looked at his bloody hands ( this could be a novel, lol) and he said give her more morphine. I have never felt anything so horrible in my life, not even the staff.  I begged him to stop and let me die.. When he finally had a hole big enough to shove the right tube in he was finished with more drains sticking out my back.. They wheeled me back up to another room and had me in the hall until they got the bed ready and I remembered laying out in the hall crying my heart out. Drains out my stomache my ass and not my back. How did they expect me to lay down.. This was about two weeks into my hospital stay.. By the third week I was up walking around the nurses station so that I wouldnt have to have go to physical therapy. A nurse saw me and asked if I was the girl with the staff that had came in a few weeks earlier and I told her yes. She grabbed me and gave me a hug and started to cry. She said that her and the other nurses had private bets going for how long I would live. She said she was sorry but that she had never seen anyone that sick make it well.  I was in the hospital for 45 days with intrevenious pic lines and they wanted me for at least three months. I had my 15 year old at home and I needed to get home to him and the dogs. They finally released me but had pic lines and nurses for three months at home.. The reason I wrote this novel is because, now everytime I get this bad of pain even though I had to have a two level fusion from degenerative back disease and arthritis, it makes me remember the staff and that pain. Seeings as I fell in Vegas over the bleachers and cut a big gash in my leg that is just barely healing after six weeks, I think of the staff so I am going to go in and have blood work done to make sure that I do not have staff again.. You can never be to safe. If I have staff, I am saying goodbye right now.. Cause I will just come home and drink myself to death... Ok just kidding but put in a good prayer for me.. I have also had horrible charlie horses and cramping from my hips to the bottom of my feet. They are real worriesome but I will have that checked out also..  I was pretty toxic when I had staff and they mentioned to much potassium which is dangerous so I will have that checked also.. Will make appt tomorrow if not feeling better.. Thanks for listening.. This is my story and I am sticking to it.. Big hugs to my friends here at DS. Without you guys I wouldnt be as well mentally as I think I am.. lol.. well sorta.. Thanks for caring and the hugs and I love you all.. Y'Vonne