Well here I am, its Monday. I missed a whole week because I was so freaking down. You name it I had it. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks and alcohol... Oh my hell, I am finally admitting that I am an alcoholic, the hardest word I have ever had to face. You would think with my worthless stepfather having the disese and my ex ole man, both of them dying from it that I would run completly the other way. Oh no not me. It use to be so much fun when I was a bit younger to out with the girls and have a few drinks and everyone wanted to set at my table because I was the one with the good jokes and I also wasnt to bad to look at.I never did like myself or have any self asteem and booze gave that to me. Wow I feel good because Im with all my friends, they like me etc etc etc. It also didnt help that I worked in a club as a cocktail waitress for way to many years. Then it got to where I disliked myself so much that the only way I could get intimate was to have a couple cocktails.. (Its a good thing I didnt remember some of those times..LMAO.)My depression and drinking go hand in hand, even though I know that drinking is a depressent, it felt pretty good at the time. Well I have now decided to pull my head out of my ass and get rid of that beast on my back... Im scared, really scared, but I have to do it or I might not be around much longer for the few that do luv me. Well thats my story and Im sticking to it. I will feel you in again for anyone that cares... Thanks for being my friends... I think you all helped me to find myself so I guess I can thank you for my life.. Will see, I am now 21 hours clean and sober. Doesnt feel to bad but thats because I am at work... Tonights when it will be hard.. But I can do it..