3 Years and 5 Months
My dear husband died on May 26th 2010. I experienced the whole range of emotions.............and I am still shocked at the magnitude of pain - then and now.
But here is what has changed:
Now I know - really know- that we all die.
It actually happened to us - to me. KarenandBill died.
No matter how I tried, I couldn't get back to us.
**Knowing that we are mortal and that we will all die - is comforting to me these days.
I get a kick out of people desperately trying to hang onto life.....don't eat butter.........bacon is bad..........take more vitamins.........
I tried so hard to take care of Bill and to keep him healthy. He died anyway because it wasn't up to me.
I am not God and there is great relief in that realization.
I can't keep my children or grandchildren from suffering and dying. I can't. But I encourage them to know and understand commitment, honesty, longsuffering and kindness. Tools for when their "time" comes.
These days, I enjoy the simple things and try to spread some comfort to others along this journey when I can.
And I eat bacon :)
PS I moved my in-laws into my home five months ago and it is grueling and thankless work. But.......it is the right thing to do and I am also truly doing it for Bill.
He would be so grateful and I can hear him saying "that's my girl. I'm so proud of you!" God bless him.
God bless us all through these rough seas.
PS My wonderful husband liked bacon but I tried to discourage him from eating it :( So now, I take a bite "in his memory" and it makes me smile.
But here is what has changed:
Now I know - really know- that we all die.
It actually happened to us - to me. KarenandBill died.
No matter how I tried, I couldn't get back to us.
**Knowing that we are mortal and that we will all die - is comforting to me these days.
I get a kick out of people desperately trying to hang onto life.....don't eat butter.........bacon is bad..........take more vitamins.........
I tried so hard to take care of Bill and to keep him healthy. He died anyway because it wasn't up to me.
I am not God and there is great relief in that realization.
I can't keep my children or grandchildren from suffering and dying. I can't. But I encourage them to know and understand commitment, honesty, longsuffering and kindness. Tools for when their "time" comes.
These days, I enjoy the simple things and try to spread some comfort to others along this journey when I can.
And I eat bacon :)
PS I moved my in-laws into my home five months ago and it is grueling and thankless work. But.......it is the right thing to do and I am also truly doing it for Bill.
He would be so grateful and I can hear him saying "that's my girl. I'm so proud of you!" God bless him.
God bless us all through these rough seas.
PS My wonderful husband liked bacon but I tried to discourage him from eating it :( So now, I take a bite "in his memory" and it makes me smile.
Replies
Thank you for sharing such an inspiring and uplifting message with us all!
Accepting what is, rather than what we want life to be is not always easy. My husband died on May 20, 2009, and I too still experience great sorrow, but try to live each day, thinking always about living as he did, which is the best way to honor his memory.
Your husband would be very proud, and grateful for taking care of his parents.
LP
That was beautiful Dear! We eat bacon too! Thanks for sharing
I identified with what you said about trying to keep them healthy. I did my best with Cliff, too. I wondered why it \"didn\'t work\" and then my older son told me it probably did - that Cliff would have died a lot sooner had I not done all that I did. I guess I only delayed the inevitable. These are all hard lessons to learn, and harder to pass on. I hope you are getting some help with your in-laws. Don\'t forget you are important, too!!!
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Wonderful journal Karen. I so agree with all that you have said. We try to do what keeps them helathy, and it really makes little difference. By the way Frank and I both loved bacon. We would fight over the last piece, It usually ended up getting split. It is a great comfort to know that we have no control. I think once I realized that I felt so much more a peace. I know Bill is proud of you for taking care of his parents. It can be thankless like you said, but at heart, you feel better. Blessing to you as you continue to walk forward in this journey
Your journal entry is insightful. We survivors probably have story after story as to how we lovingly loomed over our spouses, trying are very best to extend their time with us. I, too, worried about my husband gaining too much weight, working too hard, or eating those things which I knew were not healthy. In the end., it made absolutely no difference. Yes, we should be diligent in many things, but the Almighty Master who gave us the breath of life knows our beginning and our end. So my thought is--embrace life, be thankful, and enjoy a guilt-free bacon fest every now and then. Blessing to you as you continue demonstrating your devotion to your Bill by caring for his aging parents. Bill was a fortunate man to have such a caring and loving wife. TJ
Thank you for sharing. Yes I also tried everything to keep my husband but in the end it is what God wants that counts. I have come to realize that I have a lot to be thankful for. God gave me many wonderful years with a great christian man.
He loaned him to me to make my life brighter and when it was time he took him home to a place that is beautiful beyond anything that we can imagine.
You are truly a blessed woman. We have an amazing Lord! You are a very special woman to continue to care for his parents as if he were still here. A special reward awaits you in Heaven.
1 Thessalonians 5:18
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Christine