3 years ago this March 30,2012...

Three years ago this upcoming March, my step father passed away at the hospital here in town of 'natural' causes, aka morphine OD administered by a nurse.  He has had several strokes in a matter of 2 or 3 months, hospitalized each time and flown once to another one.  I wasn't there until after he died (was at work), but the image of closed eyes and  an open mouth is burned in my head forever.  My mom asked him, "do you want to see Shane?" (she still calls me by my birthname instead of Jon) and he said 'NO!'  Those were the last words he spoke of me.  Those are the feelings that I've to live with everyday of my life for the rest of my life! 
This is hard to write, but it is the truth:
Even though we were never really close as father and son, I miss him, and I know that Mom misses him even more! :(  Why are step families--and now even biological--so hard to get along with??
This is my first Journal entry in almost 3 years, and for the long period of being gone lately I am truly sorry...but up til tonight, I couldn't remember my username and pwd.  But I am back now, looking for more friends than ever before!
 
Love,
Jon