3 steps backwards

Well this week I feel like I have taken at least 3 giant steps backwards in this journey that we have all unwillingly been sent on.  Horrible week, it started with going to the social security office to change my name, I had put this task off with the social security office for 35 years, that was the only place I had not changed my maiden name to my married name, I took out my birth certificate and my marriage certificate along with his death certificate and just fell to pieces, feeling guilty that I had not changed my name sooner considering I have had his name longer then my maiden name, oh my.  after that the rest of the week has just spirled out of control.  I have gotten through work everyday ok but have notced that over the past couple of weeks actually my feet and my hands have been freezing a good part of the day off and on and they turn a purplish color, making a Drs appt for next week to make sure everything is ok, but I had talked to a friend and she suggested that it may be cause by stress my thought was no way, it has to be a circualtion issue, then I look on line and find what is called Reynauds Syndrome....and guess what it comes from.......stress most of the time.  Imagine that I don't have any stress in my life  hahah.  I have 2 kids living at home that have problems as well with addictions and am just at my witts end....I hate to tell  or talk about becuase their disease is as bad as the one that took their father.  When people find out they are so judgmental and condesending even family who should understand I think it is best if I just shut up and not say anything anymore.
I just don't know.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

you are going through so much, please be kind to yourself. dont expect to much of yourself right now. there is no set amount of time we should grieve, everyone is different and we have to allow ourselves all the time we need. journaling is a great way to help release some pain/anger. dont feel bad when talking about things that are troubling you. it only makes us feel worse if we hold it all in. hugs