3 month mark

My 3 month mark hit yesterday.  I say "mark" because "anniversary" is a word I associate with happiness and since these "marks" are not happy I refuse to say "anniversary". People keep saying "time" will make things better but how can it be better without my other half.  There is such a hole in my life.  I haven't even gone food shopping other than for the essentials.  I can't get myself to think for one.  Even food shopping was always with him in mind, what would he like to eat, oh this looks good for a romantic dinner for 2, or I'll treat us both with this.  Now I'm lucky I even eat and what I eat I really don't care.  I was conditioned for the last 32 years to think as a team.  Now the team is no longer and I'm to old to rethink things.  That more than anything is the hardest thing to overcome. For the first time in my life I feel like my life SUCKS.  I've been so blessed through the years and now this.  For the first time in my life I HATE the holidays.  How can this be?  For the first time in my life, I have NO life.

Replies

KipB
KipB

Dawn, this is just surreal, isn\'t it? It seems like all our friends here on DS are wonderful, caring, loving people. Why did this happen to us? We were all so crazy about our partners, it\'s obvious because we wouldn\'t have even looked for a site like this where we can vent and continue to adore them thru our words. I am with you, most facets of my life now suck and I dread these holidays. Stay strong and we\'ll somehow make it. Hugs, Kip.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hi Dawn...I completely understand the food shopping thing. It is hard to buy much of anything because I have no ideas, no desire to cook, no will to bake. I wander around with the cart like a zombie and usually end up with frozen anything to just pop in the microwave. Now my boys are coming home for the holidays and I still am not sure what to buy. This never was hard before and I don\'t understand why I am so brain-dead most of the time. Grief takes it toll on all of us I suppose. Hang in there...hopefully you will find some joy this holiday season throughout it all. I am wishing the best for you. Hugs..Nancy
deleted_user
deleted_user

Dawn, please know you are in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I\'m hoping you have some family members or close friends you can be somewhat involved with, perhaps cook for - or if easier be cooked for by. You may already be doing this, just trying to find some suggestions. This certainly has been my least favorite time of the year since losing my other half... and i have trouble in winter like i never did before... but do enjoy seeing nature come back in spring... a reminder that everything lives on, sometimes in a different form. I\'m now cooking, but rarely did when my wife was still wife us. Perhaps I should say i use to cook - haven\'t much since my son started college. I have no desire to make anything for myself - it\'s not worht my energy. Sometimes i really feel sad when i smell the neighbors dinner and remember the wonderful food I once had prepared for me (appreciated it then - but so much more so now!). It seemed even a sandwich or soup tasted better when somebody made it for me with some TLC. Sometimes it\'s the small things that get you thinking about what you\'ve lost. God Bless.