3 minutes of Clear Blue Easy Advanced Hell...and then another disappointment

Another negative test. Why do I expect anything else. Being positive aka ignorantly blissful is impossible now- I'm a realist...so why after so many failures are my expectations so unrealistic? I can't imagine being happy knowing that I might not have any more children. My husband says we can't afford testing for repeat miscarriages right now yet he just bought himself a new motorcycle. I feel like my dreams of a complete family aren't a priority for him. I feel alone in this. He always says it is what it is and that it will happen when it happens. I feel like I need medical intervention, that there is something wrong with me. We did all the tests for him and they came out ok- slight problem with motility that the doctor says shouldn't affect anything. The doc also said for him to cut down on his coffee, that it can slow down motility. And he hasn't, except for the month we got pregnant, now it's back to like 3 ventis with triple shot expresso in an IV drip. My tests came out ok but I didn't finish all the testing because I got pregnant. I feel like I am in infertility and grieving purgatory.