3 days of serious emotional illness
Although it noticeably hasn't passed completely, I am more or less better and have been for two days. It's very strange though, I feel like I've just recovered from some sort of serious illness. I can feel it both emotionally and physically. The breakdowns stopped almost completely but I still occasionally feel extremely unstable and uncomfortable.
It lasted 3 days and it was really intense! I was even about to call my primary care provider and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist or something. The fact that it got that bad that fast is pretty scary. I had lot of unpleasant symptoms like extreme loss of sleep! I think over the three days I only got about 7 hours of sleep all together, even when I got incredibly drunk. Nothing worked, I stopped even responding to the stuff I usually take to help keep my depression at least manageable. Nothing worked! The over-the-counter sleep aids that usually make me sleep like a rock had no effect on me at all. I had some loss of appetite and ate less. I had little or no energy at all and as I lost sleep everything started to feel less real.
Although I'm not entirely sure what triggered it, something did happen (which I will not go into detail here) that I know is usually a trigger it. I am aware that it had been coming on for months. Like I mentioned in a previous journal, I took steps to keep the depression from really flaring up like this. Finally, yes something happened that set it off like crazy.
On the 4th day I woke up hung over (from drinking last night) and as said still only got about 3.5 hours of sleep. I could feel the breakdown coming and sure enough shortly after I broke down I had to try really really hard to keep from just collapsing into tears on my friend's bedroom floor (thankfully everyone else was asleep because it was about 3am). Later that day I decided to go walking.. and walking.. and walking for 3 hours straight. I wound up back at my friend's place and at some point, while higher than a kite I realized my moods were finally stabilizing. I tried to meditate but I couldn't but then I opened my eyes and focused on something. While staring blankly at something my mind started to clear, my thoughts became more organized and my emotions settled. I began to wonder if the reason why I was feeling so depressed all the sudden was just because I wasn't getting enough mental stimulation and decided to start drawing. I wanted to draw something incredibly complex for my mind to meditate on and as I was drawing I realized the act of putting this intensely complex celtic design together was also having a calming effect on me. I've been doing better ever since but only so much. I can't honestly say I'm 100% better again, I wish I could but I still feel pretty off...
It lasted 3 days and it was really intense! I was even about to call my primary care provider and ask to be referred to a psychiatrist or something. The fact that it got that bad that fast is pretty scary. I had lot of unpleasant symptoms like extreme loss of sleep! I think over the three days I only got about 7 hours of sleep all together, even when I got incredibly drunk. Nothing worked, I stopped even responding to the stuff I usually take to help keep my depression at least manageable. Nothing worked! The over-the-counter sleep aids that usually make me sleep like a rock had no effect on me at all. I had some loss of appetite and ate less. I had little or no energy at all and as I lost sleep everything started to feel less real.
Although I'm not entirely sure what triggered it, something did happen (which I will not go into detail here) that I know is usually a trigger it. I am aware that it had been coming on for months. Like I mentioned in a previous journal, I took steps to keep the depression from really flaring up like this. Finally, yes something happened that set it off like crazy.
On the 4th day I woke up hung over (from drinking last night) and as said still only got about 3.5 hours of sleep. I could feel the breakdown coming and sure enough shortly after I broke down I had to try really really hard to keep from just collapsing into tears on my friend's bedroom floor (thankfully everyone else was asleep because it was about 3am). Later that day I decided to go walking.. and walking.. and walking for 3 hours straight. I wound up back at my friend's place and at some point, while higher than a kite I realized my moods were finally stabilizing. I tried to meditate but I couldn't but then I opened my eyes and focused on something. While staring blankly at something my mind started to clear, my thoughts became more organized and my emotions settled. I began to wonder if the reason why I was feeling so depressed all the sudden was just because I wasn't getting enough mental stimulation and decided to start drawing. I wanted to draw something incredibly complex for my mind to meditate on and as I was drawing I realized the act of putting this intensely complex celtic design together was also having a calming effect on me. I've been doing better ever since but only so much. I can't honestly say I'm 100% better again, I wish I could but I still feel pretty off...
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