3 Days before my surgery

I feel that I need to be spirtual and positive.  Some days I really don't have the energy. I've gotten used to the fact that this infertility is our situation.  I guess in a way things balance out.  I've always been pretty blessed, I did not have a particularly rough life and I guess this balances that.  I wake up next to the love of my life everyday.  What kills me is that he's going through this too.  My husband is so good to me and I love him so that it kills me that I cannot just "give" him children like he deserves.  All I want was children that had the same gorgeous brown eyes and mannerism as their father.  Its such a struggle sometimes.  I do not want to stop trying, but I want to stop feeling this way.  I feel like I'm being punished for something I did.  I can't think of anything so terrible that my punishment is to be denied children.