#3 - #4

Hey guys i wasnt here at work yesterday so ive gotta catch up with yesterdays events as well as how i am this morning.
I was in a really good mood yesterday until my wife got home from work and kept trying to play with the dogs and so i just couldnt concentrate on my game that i have been getting into really heavy lately, I know there wasnt anything wrong with her playing with the dogs but i just started to get really pissed off and then just tried to shut her out but the longer i did that for the worse my anger started to get. Then she calls her brother and invites him to dinner as im thinking yeah thats cool we can just order something so we dont have to go anywhere and can just stay at home on my day off......but NOOO she asks him ( Without even talking to me first ) if he wants chinese food way out by the fuckin mall, I didnt wanna go anywhere yesterday let alone 20 miles away from the house and especially how busy this particular restaurant can be. Once we got out there after waiting on her brother for damn near 2 hours i started to feel better. We went and grabbed my check afterwards and did a little bit of shopping-i bought her that memory foam pillow that shes been wanting for years now and she was happy then we went home and watched THE CHAPERONE staring TRIPLE H from the wwe and it was pretty good but once again as watching him in that movie got me thinking about wrestling so i started getting all moody again and feeling so small.
After that i immediately jumped back into my game as it is the only thing that makes me feel better as i tend to just lose myself in the game and almost forget about everything that i hate about myself now and i planned to stay up till around 2-3AM and then hit the bed so i could get in some good grinding time on my character but then my fuckin boss calls me at 1:30AM and says " Hey bro you gotta do me a favor and cover my shift at 9 in the morning when i wasnt even supposed to come in until 1PM and being the yes man that i have become i let zero frustration surface until after i got off the phone with him and put myself on hold once again for this shitty little part of my world......as i lie in bed the only thing that keeps me sane is kelso my 16 month old dog and my 7 year old dog kitana - they are pretty much the only things that are keeping me alive at this point.
I woke up this morning just fine and came to work pretty much on time and feeling a pretty decent amount of energy right now which is weird since i havent felt rested at all for atleast 6 months now,But now im in front of this computer at work and cant focus all i wanna do is listen to depressing ass music and think about how i wanna just go home and get lost in my game and never come back here or back to the world outside of my game.
In the game i dont have to be me i dont have to be sean, In the game im athletic,fit,powerful,and worth something but then i come out and im me again somebody totally opposite from what i want to be. My hand keeps going numb on me everyday and just like the depression my doc's just blow it off so im just ready for this life to be over and hopefully get a fresh start.
I dont need this anymore,I dont want this anymore,I dont want anyone and no one wants me anymore. Like i said im just ready for this to be over, I just wish it would hurry up and end.
 
P.s. Im sorry to be so depressing guys but i just cant help it anymore.
 
I will update later today.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

It seems with ur depression comes some anger management issues as well, WHICH is normal. You tend to get very short fused when ur depressed. We have to get you a new doctor. I wish I knew more about the american medical .
http://www.michigan.gov/mdch/0,1607,7-132-2943_52115---,00.html
try this site??maybe it can help????