2WW is worse this time
I really thought this time would be easier....because, you know....this isn't my first rodeo. But it is starting to feel harder. there is SO much more riding on this cycle, but this is it. there is no 3rd IVF. I mean, who knows....if it doesn't work, perhaps we'd be forced to reconsider, but DH and I can honestly not imagine going through this again, emotionally. Plus, we are changing insurance plans (we have to, b'c DH switched jobs) and they don't offer IF coverage. So, if we did a third, we'd have to accept money from my wonderful parents, and DH has a very hard time with that.
But, I regress. we aren't there yet. Beta is Friday the 18th. today is 6dp3dt and my cramps....oh the cramps. I am trying SO hard to remember my symptoms last time (which was successful but sadly ended in m/c). I remember SWEARING that AF was coming and being SURE my IVF had failed. I feel the same way now, so who knows. Achy, crampy, blah.
(TMI coming) the watery discharge from the Crinone has me running to the bathroom all day to check if AF has arrived. My (.)(.) feel sore but not so sore that they hurt when I walk. that never happened on Crinone with I had my IUI's but it DID happen with my first IVF, but I have a billion different drugs in me with IVF than with IVF.
I feel angry and hopeless today. Like I am just waiting for AF to show up and this to be officially over. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to get up from my desk and go home and get into bed. I am exhausted, emotionally. I want my life back. and If i have to "give my life up" then I want it to be for a little baby who needs me, and makes it worth it. not for appointments and injections and tests. UGH.
I know you all can relate.
But, I regress. we aren't there yet. Beta is Friday the 18th. today is 6dp3dt and my cramps....oh the cramps. I am trying SO hard to remember my symptoms last time (which was successful but sadly ended in m/c). I remember SWEARING that AF was coming and being SURE my IVF had failed. I feel the same way now, so who knows. Achy, crampy, blah.
(TMI coming) the watery discharge from the Crinone has me running to the bathroom all day to check if AF has arrived. My (.)(.) feel sore but not so sore that they hurt when I walk. that never happened on Crinone with I had my IUI's but it DID happen with my first IVF, but I have a billion different drugs in me with IVF than with IVF.
I feel angry and hopeless today. Like I am just waiting for AF to show up and this to be officially over. I want to cry, I want to scream, I want to get up from my desk and go home and get into bed. I am exhausted, emotionally. I want my life back. and If i have to "give my life up" then I want it to be for a little baby who needs me, and makes it worth it. not for appointments and injections and tests. UGH.
I know you all can relate.
Replies
I remember that wait and it was tough. The anxiety build up can be torture in itself. Just remember THAT is what you are experiencing. There is not an answer yet. You just have to wait it out. The best thing I did was assure myself that I\'d done all that I could to ensure a favorable outcome. The rest of it was not in MY control. I hope this helps. Deep breathing is also good as is Yoga to regain your (inside) composure.
1will.....do you remember if you felt cramps or anything prior to your BFP (yay!)
Oh how i can relate! My last TWW I all but threw in the towel, seriously I was convinced I had AF cramps and bloating. Every sign and symptom pointed to it! After throwing myself quite the pitty party, I picked myself up and reminded myself that it aint over yet! Even when my HPT came out negative at 10dp IUI, I just had to remind myself its not beta day and I could be wrong, and the beautiful part was that I was wrong! Praying the same thing happens for you and you are more than pleasantly surprised on 4/18!!!
Thinking of you!
I totally understand the anxiety. I had already scheduled a consultation at another RE office to see if we could even have a baby together or if we needed to look into sperm donor or embryo adoption. And I felt cramping and pinching before my BFP. I really, really hope this is the one for you!
thank you all for your reply. did it really feel like AF cramps?
I\'m sorry this TWW is so hard. I\'m sure it has a lot to do with feeling as if this is your last change. You have a lot riding on it. You deserve to feel excited about the possibility though, so I hope you feel better soon.
Thinking of you and so excited to hear how things go on Friday!
Thinking of you!!
Sending you lots of loving and comforting thoughts. I am just about at the end of my tww too. Will be crossing everything I have for you.
When is your beta?
I had cramping before BFP and none before BFN, pretty sure the progesterone and estrogen shouldn\'t let your period come anyway so the cramping could be a good sign, fingers crossed for you, IF is a cruel torture and even when you get your BFP the struggle to stay positive continues! Good luck friend!!
It should be early next week according to my counting. Will be calling them to confirm. I have to admit that I am scared and a little hopeful. I have felt different this time and I am praying that it will be good news. :)
Sorry your 2ww is driving you bonkers, waiting is the worst! The ladies have pretty much said it all but I wanted you to know you\'re in my thoughts! Hang in there it will all be worth it for a BFP!! XO