2nd entry-Monday,May 19th,2008

today was very,very painful and I just cannot take Brad anymore.I have never seen anyone like him and I just hope that no other man in seattle is.I have noticed that he is always mad and he is always screaming.He is just screaming about the house and It is just so stupid.I do all of the laundry, get the groceries,feed the cats,and take them out.I am always doing his socks and such.I am the one who is visting these food banks.I am the one is doing more then my share.And I am at the end of rope here.This is just getting to be too much.I cannot be myself with Brad and several others.I have to be happy go lucky all of the time and If I get depressed around here,all hell breaks loose.But if he is depressed and upset,while this is just a different matter and it has always been this way and I pitied his mother.I have got a right to my opinion and I do not like to be told that it is not worth  nothing,but these seattle men are all alike.I just hate these shy people because they make it hard for everyone else.And they are the ones that you have to give up things that you like because they are shy.Well,I am putting an end to this! I am going to start to do the things that I have stopped.Just who does he think he is? Axl Rose! I would much rather date a musician or an upcoming artist.These men are not hyprocrites and they are very open.And if these men have got problems..they will tell you.This idiot took me to Burger King and after I was done paying my share..he has got the gall to ask me for 20.00! I do not have 20.00 now as I am on a check.I am always broke now because of this energy bill.I have to pay it up and soon or else my gas will be shut off.And I am in a lot of pain because I have lost everyone and everything.My late mother lost the house and I will never forget this.I lost my house to Medicare because of her drinking.She was not paying the bills and the house was almost in arrears.All she did was drown herself in her sorrows everyday and she refused to get help and when she did she did not listen.The doctors told her to quit her drinking because she was on the verge of a stroke.And this is why she had that stroke because she was not taking care of her health.I have got no intention of getting a stroke or winding up in a nursing home.So please take care of yourself and stop doing things for others.I cannot do things for people anymore,I cannot afford it.In Seattle,we have got Social Services and such.And if you do need help with your problems,they will help you.So please do me a big favor..stop telling me your problems.,Stop confiding in me if you can.I am just so depressed as it is and noone wants to help me.I miss Frank..but who really cares? Who cares about my pain? Who cares about my grief? NOONE! This is why I love my cats...they are very important to me and if I ever lost one of my cats..I do not know what to do.These people here are driving me crazy but I love the people in Daily Strength.I love all of your honesty and only the people here will I contact or help.