2nd entry-may 24th,2008 -Why my dad?

This has been a very painful day for me.It is painful for me because Brad is drinking again and I cannot cope with this anymore.Any time a crisis comes up,he goes running to the gold course with his buddies or he gets drunk.We do not even talk anymore.I do not even know who he is.He is  changing right before my eyes and now he is talking about leaving this place.Look ,he did not like Capitol Hill and I do not see why not.Brad never went to any of the places that I did and when I used to sing,he would stay home watching tv and Capitol Hill in seattle had people who helped me with rough times and now they are gone.I have got no one to talk to.They are all gone.And this should not be.He really was a mean drunk then and all of the neighbors did complain.No matter what happened.He would drink.My life was like a roller coaster.The reason why I stayed with him is because I lost my job and I was living in a bookstore.The owners told me to get someplace else and I met him there.I should have know him longer.He was so full of fun then.We did things.But now I see a side of him..that is like my late mother.No matter what I do..he is always complaining.And I refuse to move to California because my doctors are here and it would take me several months to get one there.I do not like California.I was there 20 years ago.First of all,you need a car.It is not like Seattle.Their public transportation is terrible.But I do think if we split..I would feel better.I have got no desire to relocate.I cant.Why? Because I am 60 years old and I have been here as of May 19th,13  years and I just cannot pack up my things like I used to.It is not me.I cant and he knows it.I will stay at this house until he sells if that should be the case..but houses here are not selling and I cannot go back home.Now he is complaining again.I cannot stand this anymore.I will always love certain people who were in my past.My love for them will never be repeated or duplicated.But the love that I have for Brad has died.And I refuse at my age to get married.All of the men here have children or are raising grandchildren and I refuse to get involved in their psychomelodramas.Guys..please do not be a Republican..I cannot stand GW.And for your sake..no children or grandchildren if we meet.Please!