2nd entry

today being new years eve should be a good time, but being 3 months separated makes it very hard and im bout crying right now, thinking of how i wont kiss my beautiful wife at 1201. i will be worried as hell and full of anxity because my dog really hates fireworks, he panics so badly and he heart races so much that he is on meds, well was on meds, once the separation happened my wife was running low on money and she had to cut his meds out, i have just enough for today and maybe the 4th of july. we would always take him out of town while druged up, it was a decent outing for my wife and i at times too, im very worried my dog wont be ok, one year we took him to a park where they did fireworks, it was tons, he wasnt druged, but he pretty my went rabbed, my hope is he well be fine, ive already druged him so next one is due and 9.

today im also feeling horrible because yesterday i stuck my foot in my mouth with my wife, i told her its conveinent to you and she took it as an insult, i never meant it as such, i never want to insult her or anything, but she told me goodnight at 2pm and i dont know what to do than take some advice and wait for a few days and then call her, even if its voicemail and apologize for it.

in all today i feel like crap, like every other day and thats with meds, the only thing i really have to look forward to today is seeing my saints play, but thats only a temparary feeling that will pass as soon as the game is over.