2011
It is now January 1, 2011. Lisa has been gone for over a year and I still can't believe it. It seems more unreal than it did a year ago. I am sitting here listening to music and avoiding going to bed because I will just cry.
I am also waiting for my granddaughter and her dad to come back. They went skiing and to spend New Years with Harvey's family in Canmore. They likely won't be back til 2 or 3 a.m. I won't be able to sleep, knowing they will be on the highway in the middle of the night. I don't know if anyone else is as anxious as me about losing another family member. I literally get panic stricken with worry.
I want to look forward to the new year but I am having a hard time. I want to be optimistic - I want to be the old me with my old life. I want to see the bright side but right now I can't.
I feel sorry for my husband Joe. I know he is worried about me. At midnight, he kissed me and said he hopes that I can be happier in 2011. I burst out crying. His comment was "Well that's a good start!" We had a chuckle about that.
Enough whining.
I am so glad for FMO - nobody really understands the pain and longing when a child is taken away. I get tired of people who mean well and tell me about their pain at the loss of an aging parent. I've lost both my parents and it does not compare. Thank you all for the support and caring.
I wish each and every one of you peace, hope and love in 2011.
I am also waiting for my granddaughter and her dad to come back. They went skiing and to spend New Years with Harvey's family in Canmore. They likely won't be back til 2 or 3 a.m. I won't be able to sleep, knowing they will be on the highway in the middle of the night. I don't know if anyone else is as anxious as me about losing another family member. I literally get panic stricken with worry.
I want to look forward to the new year but I am having a hard time. I want to be optimistic - I want to be the old me with my old life. I want to see the bright side but right now I can't.
I feel sorry for my husband Joe. I know he is worried about me. At midnight, he kissed me and said he hopes that I can be happier in 2011. I burst out crying. His comment was "Well that's a good start!" We had a chuckle about that.
Enough whining.
I am so glad for FMO - nobody really understands the pain and longing when a child is taken away. I get tired of people who mean well and tell me about their pain at the loss of an aging parent. I've lost both my parents and it does not compare. Thank you all for the support and caring.
I wish each and every one of you peace, hope and love in 2011.
Replies
Hopeful everyone got home safely and I do understand the feelings you are describing so well. What keeps me going is to read the journals of many of these precious women who are a few steps further along on this journey of grief and loss. They give me hope because I can see the light beginning to enter into their lives and some peace filled moments too. We are here for one another and together we will continue to heal. Thinking of you this day of the new year. Love and hugs, Joanie
Hi Marlene, I too hope your precious family arrived home safely & had fun. I\'m about 3 months further along than you in the horrific journey & I don\'t know if this will help you & your sweet husband. I have begun to grieve my old life - the 1 with Eddie physically in it. I have also reframed what I even expect now. I feel happiness is, at least for now, unattainable & so I just look for and acknowledge moments of comfort and contentment. I have found some of those & I have taken the pressure off myself to try & be happy. I wish you tons of peace, love, healing &hope for 2011. Love to you, joe and of course beautiful Lisa, Linda
Oh yes...after Alex died...the reality that we can really have someone died...made me fearful that it could happen again. It is a reality...we know it now...but you will become comfortable again...and feel less anxiety when your loved ones are not in your sight...but it takes time...love to you...Karen
They arrived safely at 2 am. They are now flying back home to Ottawa. The house is quiet - just Joe, me and our cat, Yuki.
Thank you for the kind words and reassurance.
Hi Marlene ~ You are so right about facing the New Year. Hard, hard, hard! Sometimes my husband gets concerned about me too ~ on those really tough, down days. But I think that you and I are pretty much on track, looking for the ability to be our old resilient, optimistic selves ~ and I feel certain that we will find a way to move closer to our old \"normal\" ~ never really the same but better. And, no, losing an elderly parent is not the same...(even when the grief is fresh as in my case...)
Glad everyone made it home safely.
Sending love and big hugs ~ Debbie