The morning after my long distance break up call from my bpII bf, who I care alot about, and probably even love...
I have been crying now for about 12 hours straight. My eyes are so swollen, I look Asian!!
I am replaying all that was said by him thru my head.
This is the man I just spent 4 days with up here traveling around and visiting NYC,VT, and MA .
I thought we had a good time together! Now he is telling me we have too many issues as a couple, and he isn't ready to be "a husband". But not only that he has fully made up his mind I am no candidate for a lifetime partner for him. It breaks my heart. My cat that is dying from cancer is showing me so much love now it is making me cry more-bringing me all her toys into my bed. What a sweetie!!!
Issues - my messy house, my belief in a spirituality vs his belief on God (I thought they were the same thing myself), my not meeting his "expectations" of getting my house cleaned up in the time frame he expected (he would harp on me about it, instead of just accepting me as the wonderful loving caring compassionate person I am!! I didn't harp on him about any of his issues, I was always there for him. And me saying I was holding a wait and see attitude was me telling him I was expecting failure from him
Why were these fatal flaws in his mind? I just feel we could have had such a good life together...
He wants me to believe this has nothing whatsoever to do w/any desire for someone else however. All to do with him focusing on his MS and travelling all over for work on his thesis (which he has no idea what the subject is yet).
I feel so crushed and alone, why did he have to find so much wrong with me when I was so accepting of him? Is this just a bipolar symptom too?
I have been crying now for about 12 hours straight. My eyes are so swollen, I look Asian!!
I am replaying all that was said by him thru my head.
This is the man I just spent 4 days with up here traveling around and visiting NYC,VT, and MA .
I thought we had a good time together! Now he is telling me we have too many issues as a couple, and he isn't ready to be "a husband". But not only that he has fully made up his mind I am no candidate for a lifetime partner for him. It breaks my heart. My cat that is dying from cancer is showing me so much love now it is making me cry more-bringing me all her toys into my bed. What a sweetie!!!
Issues - my messy house, my belief in a spirituality vs his belief on God (I thought they were the same thing myself), my not meeting his "expectations" of getting my house cleaned up in the time frame he expected (he would harp on me about it, instead of just accepting me as the wonderful loving caring compassionate person I am!! I didn't harp on him about any of his issues, I was always there for him. And me saying I was holding a wait and see attitude was me telling him I was expecting failure from him
Why were these fatal flaws in his mind? I just feel we could have had such a good life together...
He wants me to believe this has nothing whatsoever to do w/any desire for someone else however. All to do with him focusing on his MS and travelling all over for work on his thesis (which he has no idea what the subject is yet).
I feel so crushed and alone, why did he have to find so much wrong with me when I was so accepting of him? Is this just a bipolar symptom too?
Replies
This man you speak of sounds selfish. I know that hurts to hear right now, but as time goes by and you heal, you will see it, too. It is only a matter of time before you decide not to be treated like this anymore. There is nothing wrong with who you are, and I believe that someday you will find someone who feels the same way. Relationships are only healthy if there is giving and taking on both sides. It sounds like your ex has been doing all the taking and you deserve much better than that.
Dear Stableone,
Yes, blaming is a big bipolar issue, but lots of non-polars also use
blame. I wonder, how long had u known one another? Break-ups are terrible, but I agree with others, you deserve better treatment than
this. If he really loved you, he would not treat you like this. When
a man wants out-bipolar or not- he will use any excuse. Your \"flaws\"
are not fatal, none of ours are. It\'s like you said, we overlook other\'s flaws. That\'s real love! Let him go; take time to heal.
Then, be patient & wait for a real man!!
Sincerely,
Dani