I wish I could be alone all the time. I feel so depressed, I hate my boyfriend for making me feel this way. It sounds silly, but he has gone out three nights in a row with his friends and tonight I asked if I could come and join him on a night out and he said no, he wanted to have a boys night. I know it sounds really gay and 'girlfriendy' but it did upset me a lot. I'm worried he's just going to go out drinking every night and never spend time with me. (but this is catastrophic, absolubte thinking)I want to finish it with him because I am so angry, but I know thats my bpd not being able to fit all my emotions inside of me, and pushing the good thoughts and feelings out so that I am just full of bad.I am furious that he would go out with his friends and leave me in the house on my own when he knows how upset I am. Part of me wants to self harm, but a small part of me doesn't want to be that manipulative.At the moment I feel like I have no friends and no one likes me, I know this is not technically true, but I still feel it.  It doesn't need to be technically true, I'm not one for technical details.I need my boyfriend. I'm having a hard time at the moment. I'm always having a hard time I guess. I hate it that I'm this fucking nuts girlfriend. Do normal girlfriends get upset about this stuff? Yes. Do they think about ending the relationship and killing themselves? No.Hyper sensetive. Whenever I get this upset he never seems to be around. Because of Seb, I hate it when people don't answer the phone, it severely agitates me, so guess what, I have 10 missed calls off of my boyfriend.  Its the only way I know how to punish him.I do feel like self harming would be a good idea right now. But I promise I wont.    

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

im sorry to hear this but im glad your not gunna self harm =)
maybe tommorrow when its just you two alone, try talking to him ? tell him how your feeling and that you want to see him more and suggest ideas you could do together maybe? just a thought.
good luck, be strong =) xxxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey sorry you are going through all this and your bf is being like that. to me not being biased you dont sound possessive because all you are saying that you wish he was around, its not like you are saying dont go out. I hope you dont self harm, you have done so well with that.

Wish i lived close, be fun to hang out, you know i care, i know its only through a computer screen but i think your cool and just hate seeing you feel this way. please keep strong, im here for you, message, vent anything my way if you have to......HUGS....
weinere46
weinere46

Dear Beautiful Sleepy,
Sorry to disagree with but any guy that would go out three nights in a row instead of spending time with you is not worth YOUR TIME. Your reasoning on this issue is correct and is not being colored by the BPD. Plus any man that treats you like this is not worth your self harming anyways!!!!! Time to shop for a new BF. Eric
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hiya i am sorry you are feeling like this, i know how you feel and your not alone, if you need to talk then i am here, you are so very strong and amazing xx
deleted_user
deleted_user

dont hurt yourself over him , or anything for that matter, its not worth it.