I had a go at my boyfriend last night. I had given him so many jobs to do to help me out, mail off our hardship fund and contract for the house. And he hasnt done them after about 2 weeks of me asking him. I told him I have shown him nothing but love, and he can't really care about me if he's not trying to help out. I think hes sorry and hes gone into town to do them today, but I still feel bad. He doesn't think about me, hes not considerate. I don't occur to him. I Just don't feel loved I guess. at the moment I'm not seeing anyway to get through all this unless I start self harming again. If I start self harming I will not care about all this stuff anymore, work, money, boyfriends. The only thing that will matter to me is cutting. I desperatly want that right now. I want all of this to fade out. Its the closest thing to being dead I think- having an obsession that takes all of you living lifes importance away. I desperatly want to be like that. I cannot cope with all of this.