Getting ready to ramp up the divorce process. My wife has completely demonized me in front of my son. She has lied, told half-truths, and never really apologized. She has always loved our child more than me...and she is now alone.I know I am an addict. I own all my faults and character defects. I am working to reconcile the damage...but not with my wife...she could never accept or forgive my faults (even as I worked to improve myself) and never admit her own. She betrayed our marital confidence, denied me the right to visit my son, unless under her strict rules. Unwarranted, unfounded, paranoid delusions of what she thought I might be doing. I was healing. Healing from her emotional and mental abuse. Healing from the standards no one could meet...guising herself as a Christian, only without the most important part...forgiveness. She has wrapped herself in God so closely she cannot see him.I have tried my hardest; worked long hours tried to repay my debts...but with no support. Broken promises she made, with no remorse. "It is your problem", I should have left that very moment. My marriage was over ten years ago, little intimacy and rejection, I just didn't believe in divorce. I am not sure if my addiction was a product of my marriage...but that would be removing responsibilty...I AM RESPONSIBLE...but at the same time sick..no different than the stroke victim..I did not choose to be a CG...but I choose not to gamble today.My only desire is to be as far from her as I can be, without affecting my son. I never thought I could so despise her for what she has done. I have to find forgiveness for her....but my complete switch from unconditional love to abject comtempt and hatred has amazed me. 25 years gone....but I have the future to look forward to. God does not want me to hate..I have turned my cheek to her...to get it slapped...but never denied her help when she asked. This is my true trial as a Believer...I only wish I could have been allowed to fulfill my marital vows, that is where I have failed...but I have learned to forgive myself, and that is most important of all.