Just a bit down, well maybe alot down this weekend. I did go to a friend's daughter's 50th birthday last night. Everyone was so comforting and nice, just wonderful. But again, I sat with them at a table while I watched all the other couples together at their tables. Dancing together, laughing together. My husband was always up dancing, and when they played his favorite song "The Twist" I had to continually talk with someone to block it out. I stayed for a few hours then decided to leave. It was snowing pretty bad. Well of course, as soon as I got into the car and began to drive home, I just cried and cried. Crying for all that I miss and all that I will never have again. Crying away, just as I am doing right now. Well the snow became so blinding that I had to stop crying because I couldn't even see the road. It was such a scary, miserable ride home ALONE!!. How I hate this life!!. Today I went with my son to lunch. He went to the candy store to get his girlfriend her Valentine candy. The same store that my husband always bought my favorite white chocolates. Again, another meltdown. Then we stopped at the card store to get cards. I just couldn't help it. I bought my husband a card , on the outside it says, Just simple and sweet, On the inside it says.I Love You!!. Don't care I am going to bring it to the cemetary on Valentines's day. I was there this morning and brought him a rose. When will I ever believe that this is not a bad dream. I know it is real, but it just seems so Unreal sometimes. ABout an hour ago I received a phone call from my friend whose daughters party I went to last night. Her daughters had a heart attack this morning, they put in 3 stents, he is going to be o.k. This man is only 39 yrs. old. I just was talking with him last evening. I just don't get it anymore.. All I know is that I am so lost, so alone right now. I KNOW I have the wonderful support of all of you, my friends, and my family but sometimes I do not mean to seem selfish, but it is just not enough. I love all of you and I cannot even think about the next Holiday coming up. Love, alice