Just a bit down, well maybe alot down this weekend. I did go to a friend's daughter's 50th birthday last night. Everyone was so comforting and nice, just wonderful. But again, I sat with them at a table while I watched all the other couples together at their tables. Dancing together, laughing together. My husband was always up dancing, and when they played his favorite song "The Twist" I had to continually talk with someone to block it out. I stayed for a few hours then decided to leave. It was snowing pretty bad. Well of course, as soon as I got into the car and began to drive home, I just cried and cried. Crying for all that I miss and all that I will never have again. Crying away, just as I am doing right now. Well the snow became so blinding that I had to stop crying because I couldn't even see the road. It was such a scary, miserable ride home ALONE!!. How I hate this life!!. Today I went with my son to lunch. He went to the candy store to get his girlfriend her Valentine candy. The same store that my husband always bought my favorite white chocolates. Again, another meltdown. Then we stopped at the card store to get cards. I just couldn't help it. I bought my husband a card , on the outside it says, Just simple and sweet, On the inside it says.I Love You!!. Don't care I am going to bring it to the cemetary on Valentines's day. I was there this morning and brought him a rose. When will I ever believe that this is not a bad dream. I know it is real, but it just seems so Unreal sometimes. ABout an hour ago I received a phone call from my friend whose daughters party I went to last night. Her daughters had a heart attack this morning, they put in 3 stents, he is going to be o.k. This man is only 39 yrs. old. I just was talking with him last evening. I just don't get it anymore.. All I know is that I am so lost, so alone right now. I KNOW I have the wonderful support of all of you, my friends, and my family but sometimes I do not mean to seem selfish, but it is just not enough. I love all of you and I cannot even think about the next Holiday coming up. Love, alice
Replies
((((((((ALICE))))))))hugging you so tight, my friend. I hear your pain and I am so so sorry.
i know just how you feel and you are not being selfish you are right it is not enough warm big big hugs
I feel the same - have a really hard time being around other couples...it is not selfish! It\'s real and it\'s how we feel...even these hugs are not enough - but they are from our own broken hearts, Susan
Big WARM HUGS to you, Alice.
Alice oh my dear . You are NOT selfish. You are being normal I am making it through this holiday I am gonna go to a movie with a girl from work and come home to bed, I hope I dont see too many couples there.It seems more and more young people are getting sick and dieing, it is scary. Hang in there girl,
I know we have to get ready for the next holiday but we are here for each other!!
xxoo.......love, Norma
Feeling your pain my friend. How I pray everyday for God to take the pain away from all of us.
What you are feeling is not being selfish. Our support here is strong, but sometimes words cannot take the pain away and it may not be enough..But we\'ll still continue to be here, helping each other from falling.....
Went to the store today after I spent time at the cemetary with Jesse and bought him a card too. It came so easy for me to just walk in and buy the card like if he was still here. I still don\'t want to accept that he is gone. I catch myself talking about him as if he was still here, then reality hits and the tears come like a waterfall. Not looking forward to this special day either. While others are spending time with thier loved one sharing gifts and time togehter, I\'ll be spending my time at the cemetary with Jesse that day.
warm hugs, love and prayers for healing going your way....Stella
Dont ever feel like your being selfish,you have every right to feel the way you are feeling.We all do.I Hope you are going to have a better week.Try to stay strong on valentines day.I myself am going to try to avoid it.Lets see how that goes.I hope your friend is doing well also.Its so tough having so much crap going on at the same time.Try to take care of yourself and if you need to cry then cry.I\'ve never heard of anyone drowning in their own tears.lol.