Life

I am so down and don't know how to pull myself out of it. I lost my mum 17 days ago and for the last few days I've been feeling better but today it's like it's hit me like a hammer, I don't want to feel like this, it's so hard to deal with. I've almost went back to self harming, something I've not done in 20 years. I want to feel better but I really miss my mum and I'm not sleeping and just can't seem to cope with my grief. Sometimes I think I want to go and be with her incase she's missing me too, I sit and talk to her sometimes and even write messages on her facebook page, I feel I could be heading for a breakdown if I don't pull myself together, I just want her back here, I want to wake up and it's all been a bad dream but it's real, she's not here anymore and I can't handle that very well, I wish I was stronger but this is shown me how weak I really am and I'm just so scared how I'm going to manage without my mum