Thoughts
So, it's cd35 and no sign of AF yet. She could show anywhere in the next 4 days, and yet I was hoping that if she showed it would be today. Then I would be done before the move and not have to worry about if my flow is heavy or leaking cuz of all the movement with the move. Part of me is still hoping that she won't show and I am pregnant, while the rest of me is just expecting her to show on Friday or Saturday and totally fuck up the move.
I haven't had the chance to talk to DH about the next cycle, we've just been so busy focusing on the move and getting things done. With the packing, we're so far ahead of schedule that we've almost completely run out of things to pack. So far I've got a handful of items in the living room and office left to pack and then 90% of my clothes to pack as well. Then all that's left is cleaning supplies, bathroom necessities and a few dishes, all of which will get packed last thing Saturday night.
I'm still feeling like just giving up on cycling and the whole IF thing. I feel like I'm a fish out of water just flopping around on a rocky beach, beating myself up and gasping for air. I'm emotionally tired and I know I've barely scratched the surface of IF and treatments/procedures.
Also, my goal of losing 10 pounds by the move is a bust. I keep flip flopping in weight, but only going up and down 2-4 pounds each week. I know a lot of my problem is that I'm not drinking near enough water (hell I'm barely drinking anything most days) and I've all but given up on exercise at the moment.
The new place is a 2 story row house with partially finished basement. So, I'm hoping that the having to go up and down stairs every day and having to walk long distances through the school when I start will help with the exercise part. Also, I have full access to the local YMCA with my student ID, so hopefully I can get my arse in gear and go use the gym at least once a week. To say I'm embarrassed about my weight and lack of overall fitness is an understatement. I know losing the weight won't help my self-confidence and self-esteem, but maybe working on my physical problems will help me work on my emotional ones. At this point, only time will tell. Though, I am having more days where I look in the mirror and actually think I look pretty instead of seeing all my flaws and thinking I look ugly, like I normally do.
To end this journal, I just want to say THANK YOU to all you ladies who have been here for me, supporting me and giving me advice. I really do appreciate all of it, and all of you!
I haven't had the chance to talk to DH about the next cycle, we've just been so busy focusing on the move and getting things done. With the packing, we're so far ahead of schedule that we've almost completely run out of things to pack. So far I've got a handful of items in the living room and office left to pack and then 90% of my clothes to pack as well. Then all that's left is cleaning supplies, bathroom necessities and a few dishes, all of which will get packed last thing Saturday night.
I'm still feeling like just giving up on cycling and the whole IF thing. I feel like I'm a fish out of water just flopping around on a rocky beach, beating myself up and gasping for air. I'm emotionally tired and I know I've barely scratched the surface of IF and treatments/procedures.
Also, my goal of losing 10 pounds by the move is a bust. I keep flip flopping in weight, but only going up and down 2-4 pounds each week. I know a lot of my problem is that I'm not drinking near enough water (hell I'm barely drinking anything most days) and I've all but given up on exercise at the moment.
The new place is a 2 story row house with partially finished basement. So, I'm hoping that the having to go up and down stairs every day and having to walk long distances through the school when I start will help with the exercise part. Also, I have full access to the local YMCA with my student ID, so hopefully I can get my arse in gear and go use the gym at least once a week. To say I'm embarrassed about my weight and lack of overall fitness is an understatement. I know losing the weight won't help my self-confidence and self-esteem, but maybe working on my physical problems will help me work on my emotional ones. At this point, only time will tell. Though, I am having more days where I look in the mirror and actually think I look pretty instead of seeing all my flaws and thinking I look ugly, like I normally do.
To end this journal, I just want to say THANK YOU to all you ladies who have been here for me, supporting me and giving me advice. I really do appreciate all of it, and all of you!
Replies
AF always seems to show at the absolute worst times!!! I am still cautiously optimistic and keeping my fingers crossed for you that she doesn\'t show at all and you get a BFP!
Don\'t stress too much about the weightloss, you have a lot on your plate. I\'m sure once you are moved and back in a normal routine it will get easier to fit in exercise. I\'m not sure it will help you but I often look at exercise as a mental and emotional release and not so much a tool for losing weight. Just helps me keep motivated instead of feeling defeated if I don\'t see the results fast enough.
Thinking of you and congrats on the new place :)
So glad you are on top of things for the move - I know how stressful they can be - ours will be here before I know it. BLAH!!!! I totally get the struggle with the weight thing, I\'ve battled it all my life. I wish I had an answer, just keep plugging away at it. And at the IF journey, but it is ok to take a break and regroup/refresh yourself too.
Thanks ladies. At the moment, I don\'t give a shit about the weight loss, I know it\'ll come off eventually. My main grumble is about the timing of AF... she always seems to come when we\'ve got something important planned.
Cali, I\'ll try to think of exercise your way and see if that helps me stay motivated!
Poly, it sucks that you are being forced to move. I hope it goes fairly smoothly for you when the time comes though!