Arg!
OK, this post is going to contain a lot of TMI, so if you don't want to know, don't read. You have been warned. :P
So, this morning was ok. I was tired because I had to get up early and my asshole neighbour was playing loud thumping music well past midnight, so sleep was not easy. I took my nephew to school and then came home to putter around until it's time to pick him up. I made myself a tea and sat down at my comp to check email and various websites. As I was checking things, a dull ache started in my abdomen. Since I've been kind of constipated for the past two days, I passed it off to that.
A little bit later I went to the bathroom and low and behold, there's a tiny amount of blood (pinkish-red) on the toilet paper. Great. Then the ache turns into a sharper pain, I'm cramping. Lovely. I don't have my usual vaginal dryness going on, so I'm not sure if this could be implantation or the first signs of a period.
So now, my mood went from good to 'meh'. I keep hoping I am pregnant and my body's just playing tricks on me, but I have a feeling that this is not my month. Oh well. I knew from the start that it's a 50/50 chance. If I don't get a BFP this month, there's always next. I keep repeating this, but just knowing that I ovulated and it worked is promising and brought back that spark of hope. I guess I just have to play the waiting game to see if this spotting and cramping turn into an AF visit or go away. Ho hum.
Also, yesterday was an ok day for me. I talked to my mum for a little bit, and other than saying 'Happy Mother's Day' and talking about the gift she wanted from me and telling me the names of the plants she got from my brothers, we didn't talk about the day. We pretty much ignored the fact that it was Mother's Day. DH called his mum and talked to her for a bit, more playing catch up than anything else. We tried to send a gift card to his mum for her favourite store via their website, but it wasn't working. That was my only frustration yesterday, which is nice. My friends even avoided the topic too, which was nice.
So, this morning was ok. I was tired because I had to get up early and my asshole neighbour was playing loud thumping music well past midnight, so sleep was not easy. I took my nephew to school and then came home to putter around until it's time to pick him up. I made myself a tea and sat down at my comp to check email and various websites. As I was checking things, a dull ache started in my abdomen. Since I've been kind of constipated for the past two days, I passed it off to that.
A little bit later I went to the bathroom and low and behold, there's a tiny amount of blood (pinkish-red) on the toilet paper. Great. Then the ache turns into a sharper pain, I'm cramping. Lovely. I don't have my usual vaginal dryness going on, so I'm not sure if this could be implantation or the first signs of a period.
So now, my mood went from good to 'meh'. I keep hoping I am pregnant and my body's just playing tricks on me, but I have a feeling that this is not my month. Oh well. I knew from the start that it's a 50/50 chance. If I don't get a BFP this month, there's always next. I keep repeating this, but just knowing that I ovulated and it worked is promising and brought back that spark of hope. I guess I just have to play the waiting game to see if this spotting and cramping turn into an AF visit or go away. Ho hum.
Also, yesterday was an ok day for me. I talked to my mum for a little bit, and other than saying 'Happy Mother's Day' and talking about the gift she wanted from me and telling me the names of the plants she got from my brothers, we didn't talk about the day. We pretty much ignored the fact that it was Mother's Day. DH called his mum and talked to her for a bit, more playing catch up than anything else. We tried to send a gift card to his mum for her favourite store via their website, but it wasn't working. That was my only frustration yesterday, which is nice. My friends even avoided the topic too, which was nice.
Replies
I know the feeling - one little thing is different, so you wonder if this month is the month. Our bodies can be very good at playing tricks on us. So sorry it\'s not playing fair. I also know that we can tell ourselves to be low key, laid back, expect the worst, expect the BFN\'s and AF, but until the \"deal is sealed\" and we actually have a full blown period, we still have hope and it\'s upsetting. Sorry this is so dramatic, drawn out and disappointing. But yes, there is the good news that you are now ovulating, you are one step closer!!!! Sending hugs.
Thanks poly! Before taking the pills to bring on my cycle, I never really experienced cramps. You\'d think I would since I would bleed fairly heavily for a week or two at a time, but if I had cramps they were so mild I didn\'t really feel them. Now though, the cramping is sooooo bad that I spend hours in a hot bath trying to lessen the pain.
This cramping is mild compared to the period cramps I\'ve experienced the last few cycles, but still bad enough for me to take a Tylenol to take the edge off. At this point, I\'m fully expecting AF to show her unwanted face and make my week miserable, but it\'s still making me sad.
I keep reminding myself that I\'m one step closer. I have 2 more refills of my Letrozole, and I can always get my RE\'s office to prescribe more if I need them. Hopefully, I should only need the one refill!
Well you won\'t know for sure until/unless you get a full-blown period, but you sound like you pretty much have your mind made up on the matter. Don\'t forget though...you OVULATED. This is absolutely HUGE!! Now that you know your body is capable of ovulating, you definitely need to cut yourself some slack if it doesn\'t happen right away.
Glad yesterday was okay for you. Next Mother\'s Day will have a very different tone for you - I\'m sure of it!
kDeezy, I know it\'s not \'over\' til I get a full-blown period, but it\'s hard to remain positive and yet at the same time not get so excited that if the period does come I am crushed. I have trouble finding that middle ground where I will be ok if it does come, but happy if it doesn\'t.
I guess I\'m so used to the negativity that my brain is just going \'Nope. Not this time,...again.\'
The cramping and bloating have both gone down though, so it\'s highly possibly that a lot of it was caused by a lot of gas. I\'m not sure what to think anymore, but I\'m trying to remind myself that no matter what I made a huge leap forward with this cycle. :)