Oh and I also wonder what everyone would think is worse.... the spouse that has a sexual SHORT affair OR an affair that doesnt involve sex but there is a very strong emotional bond between the two thats lasts years?? Lets say the sex is over with the "affair" - could you get past that? Or the person didnt have sex with person but they continue to stay involved with them? Could you stand for that? I feel that if I truely wanted to work things out over the long term (IF) wouldnt I have a right to say you cant contact her ever again? And how would I "enforce" that? I dont know his every move nor would I want to be watching him all the time... or whatever I would have to do to make sure he is being "a good boy" all the time - I would want TRUST and I dont have that with him so I dont know how it would work anyway with that being part of the dynamic of the relationship. If someone can look right at you and lie... and make up STORIES... how can you trust anything they say? Anyway I cant believe this is going on and that he would ever do this - Anyone have anything similar happen?
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My wife of 14 years recently(5 weeks ago) told me she wants a seperation and possibly a divorce. She says she has been unhappy for years and I had not been emotionally avaialble to her and that caused her to stop loving me. She told me initially there wa no one else in the picture. NOw she is admitting to me that she frequently thinks about a co-worker of hers and wonders what it would be like to be with him. She also told me that she had been solicited by a couple men on myspace.com, but that she made it clear to them that she was not interested. I did not feel like she was being truthful with me and I got into her myspace account and read her e-mails. She was definitely intrerested in these men and was telling them that she could hook-up with them as soon as she was moved out. I have never felt so disgusted with someone than I was when I read what she wrote to these men. Altohough there was probably not any \"physical\" affair going on it was still devastating to know that she wanted one. I can definetly relate to that feeling. I recently joined this support site and it has helped to talk to people that can relate to what you are going through. I hope it does the same for you. Hang in there.
You have to be able to regain your trust if you plan to stay in the relationship. That is the hardest part for me. I find it very hard to trust after all the lies. We have attended couples therapy and have discussed the whole situation to death. The cheater has to be willing to open up their life to you. In all ways! They have to EARN back your trust and it takes time. Maybe years to fully trust them again. It dosen\'t have to be all pain and work though. It CAN be done. It seems very unfair that the person who was cheated on, is the one who has to do the lion\'s share of the work. Ain\'t love grand!