Thanks

Thanks to all who wrote back. I am (or was) always a very upbeat positive person. But now I just feel like a fool. There is so much anger, depression and just plain irritation surrounding me now. Not so much from me but from everone I live with. I usually wake up happy until every one else wakes up, then the life is sucked out of me.
There hasn't been one morning in the last 6 years that my husband hasn't complained about something as soon as I wake him up. There are no "good mornings" it's always F**k! or Son of a B*tch. Never a kind word. I don't think he means to be that way, it's just a habit now.
After I wrote my last  journal update I almost had a complete break down. Crying, panicky, sent myself into a full blown anxiety attack. I feel everything (emotionaly) so deeply. Gut wrenching, could be menopause kicking back in. I don't know. Haven't had that happen in a long time.
My BP son ( I'm going to call him B from now on)  hugged me though. It hurt because of the Fibra, but it was nice. Then knowing how tense and anxious I was his OCD and ADHD kicked in. Singing at the top of his lungs, not making sense, dancing around me while I was trying to move around the kitchen. Just his normal bouncing off the walls because he says "It makes me happy". Meaning makes himself happy to be the total center of the universe. Mean thing to think I know.
I have had COPD for the last 9 years, I quit smoking, but my husband and son will not. They both smoke more than a pack a day. I started back up. I can't  fight it. I haven't been out of the red zone for at least 3 years. Since I lost my insurance. Slowest suicide in history. Who cares anyway.
My youngest son I'll call him T, is 22 now has been working 2 parttime jobs for the last 2 1/2 years and was just told that one place is going to file bankruptsy and the other is cutting his hours to 22 hrs per week. He's looking for work but there isn't much to find. He has a low IQ and wants so badly to find his place in life. He and his brother are like night and day. He is slow and B is hyper,  T is sensitive and too kind,  B is out for himself. T is a slob and B's OCD makes it impossible for him to even enter T's room.
And the baby is 2 1/2 and wild, screams like a banshee when he doesn't get his own way. Hits, kicks, throws all day every day. I think terrible 2's but what if it's something else?  I'm seeing desease and syndromes everywhere.
I have joined so many groups I cant' keep track of everything.
Is there a group for a person who is just "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"?
Sorry for the rant and ramble,  just wallowing I guess.
Sorry if this brought anyone down.