confused

Its been a while since i wrote anything. I feel that  iam able to live with the pain i have. But deep inside me it still hurts so badly. One day i think i am doing fine but the very next moment i feel so very depressed thinking of my baby girl.As the days are passing i am not crying on daily basis but the intensity of the pain deep inside me is increasing. Its like ups and downs,roll-a-coaster.I sometimes feel that if some one touches me or talks about my baby my heart would burst open.thats how i am feeling.I remain quite not knowing what to do. my eyes will be filled with tears and my heart becomes heavy and they all come burst open when i cannot handle more.then the pain again builds up for 2 or 3 days and again i cry . now i am so confused...and dont know what to ask god for..as now i feel that "my prayers would not be accepted..as even though i asked and prayed badly for my baby girl..still she could not make it to my arms. i was angry with god initially but now i keep quite and have nothing to talk or ask him for.
         I want to try again but i am so confused at this moment as whether god would accept my prayers this time or if he is angry on me and would let it happen again or i am not fortunate enough to get more babies in my arm.i have all mixed up thoughts but one feeling is very clear "that i miss my baby dearly"my heart goes for u my baby...love you soo much my dear