Car

At 5 months things have really changed.  The horses have been sold, his work van and now his truck have been sold,  I think the horse trailer is sold (will know Monday).  I sold most of his work tools.  My car (11 years old) kept having troubles so my daughters talked me into a new car.  It was sad to do this without Ron.  Another first for me.  I am getting better at handling "firsts" except when the refrigerator started leaking.  I cleaned it up, checked drip pan etc., sat down, poured a glass of wine and was having a good cry when my pastor and wife pulled up. I guess now on Sunday when he asks how I am doing I will have to come up with something else than "fine".  I still walk around the farm and house we built and wonder what to do now that I am alone.  Got a part time job to supplement SS. This is not where I saw my life  just 5 months ago  I had been retired only 3 months, Ron was going to retire in two years.  Then we were going to figure out what we would do with our old age.  Now it is just me and I have no idea.  At first it is such a shock to lose your love, then reality sets in.  Income is cut in half, all decesions are yours alone, no one to watch TV with or sit outside on summer nights and listen to the radio, you no longer have the security of knowing that no matter what happens your husband has you back.  It was so great knowing that your spouse loved you completely and you him.  Even in disagreements, knowing you were still loved and things will work out.  Now it is blank screen.