It's been a while

This have been a little up and down but that's fairly normal. But the other day everything almost ended. Si many things were said. I tried so had he was so mad he wanted me to leave then he wanted to leave he was going to take the kids. He locked himself in our room he took out the gun and loaded it. I broke the door. Told him how selfish he was that he couldn't leave me that way. That I never did anything but try to fix everything. Why no matter what am I the one being punished. I had never felt so week. I still feel week I still feel off. I still have this over whelming empty feeling even though we are still together.