I don't know

I know I have said a lot about my husband the issues we have dealt with and still deal with. But I don't know how much more I can take. He thinks the only reason I haven't left is because I'm scared I will not find anyone else but that's not it I don't want anyone else and I'm scared to death he will find someone else and I will have to see that. And I can't handle that. Before I was with him all I wanted to do was drink smoke and take pill and was still really really struggling with self harm. But once I got with him it all stopped I didn't feel like I even wanted to take anything and very very rarely felt any urge to harm my self no one had ever made me feel that way and I don't want to lose that. But now I have to deal with him always talking to other females. It just really hurts