Feeling low
So I had my 2nd IFV 3dt today and now I'm at home on bed rest beginning my 2ww. I am not feeling fantastic about this cycle now knowing what we know about the 1st time. DHs mobility looks great when collected, we had done a SA and multiple IUIs with no red flags. 1st IVF we didn't intend to do ISCI until the dr called saying they were all dying and it was necessary. They retrevied 16 eggs, 14 mature and we only ended with 3 1/2, two put it and froze the others. We were elated to get our first BFP but there was no heartbeat at 6 weeks. I MCed with the pill at 10 weeks. My dr and I are worried that the mobility issue will never allow us to develop a child.
I was hoping the first tWMD was a fluke but this second round gave us the same results, only worse. 11 mature eggs, 10 fertalized with planned ISCI. We only had one 6 cell grade 3 and everything dropped off from there. We transferred 3 because we know the chances are lower. Who knows what we will end with on Sunday to freeze. I am just worried our embryo quality will always be low and I will never carryis baby. I was crying after the transfer laying there feeling hopeless.
I think I can only do this one, MAYBE two more times. Some of you that have done it more are incredibe and brave and strong. I think I will spend this bed rest researching adoption options/costs ect. But then I willhave to work to convince DH to adopt and I will take time to grieve the loss of never carrying a child. THAT is what is hardest for me. This just isn't how I pictured my life when I married my wonderful HS sweetheart.
This 2ww might not be as painful with my viewpoint this time around.
I was hoping the first tWMD was a fluke but this second round gave us the same results, only worse. 11 mature eggs, 10 fertalized with planned ISCI. We only had one 6 cell grade 3 and everything dropped off from there. We transferred 3 because we know the chances are lower. Who knows what we will end with on Sunday to freeze. I am just worried our embryo quality will always be low and I will never carryis baby. I was crying after the transfer laying there feeling hopeless.
I think I can only do this one, MAYBE two more times. Some of you that have done it more are incredibe and brave and strong. I think I will spend this bed rest researching adoption options/costs ect. But then I willhave to work to convince DH to adopt and I will take time to grieve the loss of never carrying a child. THAT is what is hardest for me. This just isn't how I pictured my life when I married my wonderful HS sweetheart.
This 2ww might not be as painful with my viewpoint this time around.
Replies
Hi Sweetie, just wanted you to know that you are being thought of. My heart hurts for you and the sadness that you\'re feeling right now. I realize that numbers don\'t lie and although they may be a bit discouraging this time around...they don\'t call it the miracle of life for nothing!
I am praying that this time will be your miracle, regardless of what the numbers say!
Take your time to process, and take the next couple of days to pamper yourself and know that your DS Sisters are thinking hopeful thoughts for you! And of course we will be here if you need to vent, rant or need a shoulder.
((HUGS))
HUGS. Hang in there. ICSI should help the motility issue but if hubby\'s sperm is an issue would you consider donor sperm in the future? You never know.... you got preggo before.... it can happen again.
I know the 2WW is hard, but try to focus on positive outcomes now. Don\'t rehearse or give in to the overwhelm of the situation. Rehearse focus and positivity. There\'ll be plenty of time after you get your results to worry about the next steps.
Wishing you peace.
It just takes one and you have 3 and possibly some to freeze. I know how you feel, this is truly the hardest time.
Sending sticky baby dust your way!!
Thinking of you. I don\'t understand the whole IVF process or all of the logo as I have not attempted that (one IUI that resulted in a miscarriage was enough to stall me), so I think you\'re brave and strong. Sometimes things have a way of surprising us, so we\'ll just hope and pray during this 2ww for you that you get an unexpected surprise. And if you don\'t, we\'ll all still be here for you.
I know how you feel about biologically not being able to carry your HS sweetheart\'s, who is now your DH, baby. I have been with my DH since HS too. I never thought this is where we would end up and it is a hard pill to swallow. Especially when there are so many women who can accidentally get knocked up by someone they don\'t even like, let alone love.
Hi, Just wantd to let you know I\'m saying a prayer for you and your husband. Try to stay positive during your 2WW. It only takes one :) It can happen!
Try and stay positive! It can happen! This is such difficult process that requires all our strength. Thinking of you!
I\'ve had some \"perfect\" cycles that just didn\'t work. If only the ideal ones came to be babies, there would be a lot less babies around. But everything doesn\'t need to be perfect, or seem great, for it to work. There is still a chance. Read through some of the success stories of prior women, its crazy to me that some of those situations produced children. That is what drives me forward.
thinking of you and hoping it works and that your worry is for nothing...
I\'m hoping things still work it. It really just takes one to get you your BFP ao you never know. Try to stay relax, there\'s nithing more you can do.
Thinking of you.
Thanks so much for the support everyone. I love my DS sisters.
This is exciting news!!!! You had a transfer!!!! That means your little baby could be growing as we speak :) I know it\'s hard not to get down but keep your chin up! This is good news!!!
We used ICSI as well. I think our clinic always uses ICSI. My DH has pretty bad numbers for everything in his SA. I have 4 days until this 2ww is over. Hopefully the little embies will stick for the both of us. I know for us that we have 2 in the freeze and if the current ones dont stick and the frozen ones dont stick...we will probably be done. I dont think I can dish out another 9500 for a fresh cycle.not for atleast 5 years anyways (thats when i will have my 401k loan paid off from this cycle)
Good Luck...
I hope u r doing better today and some of the embies made it to freeze! Thinking of u.
Thinking of you Nikki! I\'m praying for your BFP.