Here is a memo I have put together for HR.  I do not know if or when I will send.  i wait... Stephanie,   Many incidents occurred last week which has triggered my condition.  I am not doing well at all and do not know how much longer I can stay in this position.   Here is a summary of the incidents:   Background:  Due to events on the CCC project and splitting out work, we ended up with the decision to advertise the AV and CAD systems.  Since this was not a ‘planned’ course of action, we were behind the eight ball to begin with.  I was tasked to put the advertisement book together and had only a month to do so.  Under ideal circumstances, many months go into developing and collecting the ‘pieces’ which make up the ad book.  It is a ‘history’ of important documents necessary to validate the design, procurement and construction of any given project.  Some of its main components which are collected towards the end of design are the final construction cost and schedule.  The AE had to generate these as these ‘projects’ were ‘new’.  Since these were not planned projects, planning and estimating departments evaluated these cost and schedule docs as quick as their schedule’s allowed.  I sent many emails to Rob explaining that I was not getting a fast enough response, knowing the advertisement date was approaching.  I expected him, as my boss, to call the heads of these departments to move my work to the forefront as the CCC project is ‘hot’ in the eyes of the Authority.  I never got a response from Rob and still did not receive the department evals until late in the game.  I kept Rob and Larry updated on my dilemma.  No word for either.  The advertisement books for the AV and CAD systems were completed as few days after Larry got the PR signed, advertisement slipped about 1 week.  There wee more factors in this process not recorded here – mainly for the CAD system estimate being based on the COG contract and needed to be updated by the AE – this took time with all the other work required for this project.    Incident 1 – DE staff meeting Jan 14:  In this meeting, Rob was targeting me and my projects.  First on the so called Buddy System (where we regularly contact our Authority counterparts in the review of design documents), he first asked me if I had contacted my buddy.  I had.  He asked others and most had too.  Only one of five or six had not contacted their ‘buddy’.  Rob stated after this exchange that the buddy System was failing and could do much better.  I do not know how he came to that conclusion.  I let that go.   He also made an off handed joke referencing Asians which I did not appreciate.  And no I do not recall what was stated.  My mind is not in a condition to remember that.   Incident 2  - DE staff meeting Jan 14:  Rob stated that the advertisement book process was also failing and that the last few projects they were late (meaning my projects) and that this was unacceptable.  Again I had asked Rob for help and he provided none.  He took this opportunity to blast me in front of everyone in this meeting.  This is completely unacceptable to me, unprofessional and has triggered my condition which may last months.    Incident 3 - DE staff meeting Jan 14:  Rob then stated that the VASHPO for the South Tower project was a disaster (again my project).  He went on about how great Henry Ward is and how tied up he is and how we must help him out.  Fine.  But he expects the Task manager to put the VASHPO doc together for Henry to review.  Planning had done this for the Tower project I found out later.  Rob is putting a stop to that.  This new process has a way to go, but to again blast a project in the meeting is not professional.  Meetings are to be general in nature and to identify problem areas and set up discussions on how to improve.  The old QIP process from the 80s.   Incident 4 – Special Systems Status Meeting Jan. 15:  Larry came bursting into the room, cussing at me as to why I forwarded an email about the CAD preliminary schedule to Rene Garret.  I did this as Rene is our scheduler and I value her input.  Larry was upset as she copied her comments to Rob and to Estimating Dept.  Larry stated that she sent it to the ‘whole world’.  I replied I did not know she would do that.  He responded that I did the same to him.  This was all done in front of Mike Williams.  I did not get upset at the time as I knew Larry was wrong and know that he is under tremendous stress.  But later this made my already fragile mental state much worse.    Incident 5 Advertisement book Jan 18:  I was waiting for Estimating to complete their review of the AE construction cost estimate.  I ignored my email off as I was typing up some meeting notes from a meeting that day.  Well the eval came in and I just was unaware of it.  Larry came by and asked where the estimate was.  I replied that it was still being eval’d by estimating and I would go down right then to see where it was.  He replied that it came in 20 minutes before.  This made me feel worthless.  I cannot even stay on top of an email.  Then he hovered over me, forcing me to complete it.  I have NEVER had that happen my whole career.  This was unprofessional and I cannot tolerate this behavior.  But I kept quiet and got it done.    Incident 5 CAD spec review Jan. 18:  then after completing the ad book, we jumped to reviewing the CAD spec fro this CCC project.  This spec was in bad shape from the AE and required much rework due to splitting the CCC package apart.  Everyone had the same amount of time.  I was given all the Div 1 specs and finished those a week ahead of the advertisement date.  The AE went thru many iterations in getting the CAD spec complete.  I sat in on this meeting until 4PM Friday and gave them all my comments which I had.  I did not review the whole spec with everything else going on.  I left the room but felt like I was abandoning the cause – at least I felt that vibe from others in the room.  In my condition under the best conditions, I cannot work more than 8 hours in a day.  And in my state this day, I could not really work at all.  I went home and had a miserable weekend, due to my condition.   Incident 7 SCADA Meeting Jan 22:  Due to my frazzled state of mind, I completely forgot about this meeting.  Larry kept saying over and over to and from our meeting at DCA on the CCC project that he had a meeting a 1PM.  I just took it that he had an Authority meeting.  So I got back and had my lunch and took a walk.  Well he came out of the SCADA meeting with Mike Williams and asked why I did not attend the meeting.  I just blurted out without thinking that I took a walk.  He replied, “Know we know where your priorities are!!!”  This has really sent me into a tail spin…    Rob’s and Larry’s managing personalities are to minimize mistakes thru humiliation – or so I see it thru my eyes.  I cannot change them and I cannot change my perception of them.  As you know I have no respect for Rob.  The above validates that.  I now have no respect for Larry.  I cannot tolerate being treated like a dog, whipped into submission.   The only reason I came onto this project was to support Larry as he needed assistance.  If I am unable to do this, and am viewed as a hindrance, I feel I must leave this position ASAP.  I am not well and cannot handle the pressure of this position.  I had 10 projects in Atlanta while with Parsons.  This stressed me out.  Now I had 15 or so to oversee.  I know Larry likes me, but I cannot change his or rob’s abusive personalities.  These personalities are setting off my condition and I just do not want to make things worse around here.   I feel I must go right now.  Jay