A friend asked if I was OK.  You all know me.  I say how I am.  No false pretenses.  I give advice from my heart. Over the past month, i have kept the ass boss updated by email on my projects and asked for his help in certain things.  He never responded to any of these.  I felt like - well screw him.   So yesterday, an event happened.  I was in our monthly engineering meeting which is hosted by the ass and he blasted me directly 5 times in the meeting of 50 folks.  I took this personally, of course.  I spoke to him about one of the blasts and he expects me to get info out of others ASAP in order to finish an assignment he wants.  Well, I cannot do these others jobs and I have no power over them.  I just am too nice and if others do not respond to my requests both by phone and email, I do not know what else I can do.  Hold a gun to their heads? Well I sent the ass an update on that project as we had a meeting late yesterday.  In this meeting, we determined that the docs needed to be totally reworked and that the cost estimate was way off and that we would not meet our schedule.  All fine and dandy.  I fear opening my email today as i expect a nasty form the boss. Last night was awful.  I doubled up on meds to turn my mind off.  Slept a little.  I am in bad shape right now.  I am having violent thoughts.  I got hot water for my tea and had the flash thought that if that ass walked by, I would throw it in his face.  this is how the BP anger surfaces in me.  i get a thought and I cannot stop it from being put into action if conditions are 'right'...  I know it is the devil whispering to my soul but at those moments, I cannot control them.  Knee/jerk reaction.  Some of you know about this. So I am not well at all. Please pray for me........................................