Hi all my lovely friends!
I really need to update right now, I'm home alone and feel so depressed I don't even want to call anyone...even my MUM who I ALWAYS call when I am down and out. I'm so exhausted, Endo and all it's associated woman problems are really killing my spirit. You know how some days you feel like the fighter you know you are and always have been, and somedays you wonder, you just wonder what it's all for in the end. I say I am a "Survivor" but I'm not surviving, I'm barely getting by, I'm doing it for everyone else and yes to a degree for me. This isn't a woe oh me, it's a I'm finding this hard to deal with right now.
I started university, actually going to uni, no more distance ed, although I am lucky my university offers distance ed, so it's an option. Week 1, I am exhausted, in agony more then usual. I have friends who offer to go out with me...but all I can think of is "gee I hope I make it home safe, Im so sore and exhausted."
My last doctor gave up on me the one I spun praise for, the one who wouldn't give up on me, I spent 15-20 minutes crying in his carpark, even Jase was amazed at what he did. He just shook and fumbled, not even seeming like he was sure of himself or what he was saying. He neglected to tell me anything about my surgery and completely swept over the fact my endo was back and spoke as though "it'll be all gone now" and sent me off without any option other then "come back in 2 months"...to what? Tell him what I could have told him then...it didn't help. Jase was so concerned, he is so angry at him, he said "I can't believe it, he was so obviously WORRIED, but he didn't tell you, he lied to you, he wasn't even believing what he was telling you and he knew you didn't believe it, he couldn't wait to get you out of there!" You know, somedays, what hurts more (emotionally) is the pain these doctors cause Jase, he trusted them and they continue to hurt his trust, it's ok for me to not trust them and their no margin for error promises to me, but I hate them breaking his spirit so badly. He needs that, he needs that hope, it keeps me going, it keeps him going.
I have an appointment on march 15th with a new doctor, recommended by a fellow sufferer.
Lets hope he helps!
G2g Jase is home
xoxo
I really need to update right now, I'm home alone and feel so depressed I don't even want to call anyone...even my MUM who I ALWAYS call when I am down and out. I'm so exhausted, Endo and all it's associated woman problems are really killing my spirit. You know how some days you feel like the fighter you know you are and always have been, and somedays you wonder, you just wonder what it's all for in the end. I say I am a "Survivor" but I'm not surviving, I'm barely getting by, I'm doing it for everyone else and yes to a degree for me. This isn't a woe oh me, it's a I'm finding this hard to deal with right now.
I started university, actually going to uni, no more distance ed, although I am lucky my university offers distance ed, so it's an option. Week 1, I am exhausted, in agony more then usual. I have friends who offer to go out with me...but all I can think of is "gee I hope I make it home safe, Im so sore and exhausted."
My last doctor gave up on me the one I spun praise for, the one who wouldn't give up on me, I spent 15-20 minutes crying in his carpark, even Jase was amazed at what he did. He just shook and fumbled, not even seeming like he was sure of himself or what he was saying. He neglected to tell me anything about my surgery and completely swept over the fact my endo was back and spoke as though "it'll be all gone now" and sent me off without any option other then "come back in 2 months"...to what? Tell him what I could have told him then...it didn't help. Jase was so concerned, he is so angry at him, he said "I can't believe it, he was so obviously WORRIED, but he didn't tell you, he lied to you, he wasn't even believing what he was telling you and he knew you didn't believe it, he couldn't wait to get you out of there!" You know, somedays, what hurts more (emotionally) is the pain these doctors cause Jase, he trusted them and they continue to hurt his trust, it's ok for me to not trust them and their no margin for error promises to me, but I hate them breaking his spirit so badly. He needs that, he needs that hope, it keeps me going, it keeps him going.
I have an appointment on march 15th with a new doctor, recommended by a fellow sufferer.
Lets hope he helps!
G2g Jase is home
xoxo
Replies
Aww hun, I am so sorry you\'re feeling so bad!! I know what you mean about having those times when you just don\'t feel like fighting. It happens to the best of us! :) Here is a quote that has kept me going on so many occasions:
\"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.\"
I don\'t even know who said it, but it is so true. You\'ll beat this, some way, somehow. Just keep your chin up and remember that you\'re not alone!! I sure hope you feel better asap!
Oh wow hun thanks! I LOVE that quote! xoxox
Love you sweetie.. Ims orry things are so tough right now xoxo Im here if you need me
I am sorry for all you are going through, but I pray this next doctor will be able to truly help you in a way the other doctor could not. You are going to make it. There have been days that I lived minute to minute and didn\'t look too far beyond or it would have overwhelmed me.
I will say it again: You are going to make it!! We are all here for you.
Thanks ladies! :) love and hugs! SO lucky to have you!
thought you were acting odd when you left yesterday. I know I have my opinions on the world which I express regulary but I express them with such passion or annoyance ;) because I love you. I know its useless to say next time you feel like that being alone is probably the worst thing because I have been there, done that on a number of occasions and I know its hard to take my own advise. Don\'t live your life pleasing others because one day you\'ll wake up and regret it, you need to do what makes you happy and the people that love and care for you (Pickle and me) will support you 110%.