Tough day
Today is FOM birthday. Im feeling a bunch of mixed emotions. I wish i could just put this behind me but its hard when my thoughts start wandering.
Im trying so hard to stay focused today. Will not txt him. I will not keep checking to see if he txts me, upset that i haven't contacted him today.
Im in need of a push today today to keep me strong and focused and not dwell on the past.
Help me!
Im trying so hard to stay focused today. Will not txt him. I will not keep checking to see if he txts me, upset that i haven't contacted him today.
Im in need of a push today today to keep me strong and focused and not dwell on the past.
Help me!
Replies
I know these are the hardest things of all to deal with, the connections you shared with him. The personal things you know about him and his life aren\'t easy to forget. It is so hard to turn off our feelings and thoughts about someone who was so much a part of our lives.
You and I talked about how we remember the good things sometimes. It makes it hard to let go. This is one of those good things. My OM\'s birth date used to be the password on my cell! Needless to say, I changed that right away. I felt weird not buying him a Christmas present. He is still a real person to me as I am sure your FOM is to you.
Think about him for a few minutes and if you feel it, wish him a happy birthday in your heart. Maybe even write him a letter but don\'t send it. Then put the phone away, turn it off, take the battery out, whatever you have to do to keep from making contact. Can you go out with someone today for lunch? Maybe try calling your husband instead. When I used to think about texing the OM I would text my husband instead. It helped me to replace the thoughts of him with thoughts about my husband. It also helped the 2 of us to break down some walls. Double bonus!
You have been so strong. I know this is hard but you can do this. His birthday will come and go and life will go on.
Yeah im going over all the things you and I talked about. I wrote a letter but didnt send it. I know i have to just get past this day. Im sure there will be other times that hit me hard.
Life goes on. Like you said. Just feels like there\'s a whole into heart. Something\'s missing on days like this.
I hafta focus!! Im trying!!! Ugh
Thanks for being there for me.
NC sometimes feels like the person died. The way you have to abruptly cut them out of your life. It\'s hard.
It sure does feel like a death. You are right about that for sure. And if it was a \"legitimate\" relationship, there would be people in our real lives consoling us. As it is, we have to grieve quietly. I have literally never experienced anything as painful. Both my parents died in the past 5 years. It hurt like hell, but I had the support of family and fiends to help me through it.
Keep up the NC. Even weak contact sets you back. Praying for you!
Im so sorry about your parents. I lost my dad. It\'s been 13 yrs now.
I am so grateful for your support and the support from others in the same situation, from this site.
I would most likely fall off the wagon today if it weren\'t for you.
Thanks for the prayers. :)
I told myself I was going to stya off of here while at work but as you can see it didn\'t work. I was planning to limit my time to once a day so that I can stop thinking about it all day. The thing is, there are things that make me think about it all day and I come here to get them out of my head and onto the computer.
Today is the day i drive past that park. Right now I\'m not thinking about it much but I know it won\'t be easy. It makes me wonder if he thinks about me when he drives past places we went. I hope it kills him, but I\'\'m sure it doesn\'t.
It may be a good idea to limit time on here i guess. Keeps you focused on moving on. But it\'s so hard. I come here to vent and reach out. And I feel like i should be looking to see if others need help since we just have each other to help us get through these times.
Im glad you\'re on today!
Good luck passing the park!! Dont txt while driving but I\'ll check in tonight to see how you did.
I listen to the song Gives you Hell by the All American Rejects lol
I also would like to think hes suffering without me. Twisted? Yeah probably. LOL
OMG im all over with my emotions today! Im listening to songs and came across I Want You To Need Me by Celine Dion! Im driving myself nuts!!!
I wanna crawl back to bed today! lol
When I need to pick myself up I listen to Stand by Rascal Flatts. You can find a video on youtube that is pretty inspiring for anyone going through a tough time.
Wow women....you wanna hear mine? the OW birthday was the same date as my wedding anniversary. How about that. Instead of jumping over the puddle of mud you are taking a bath in it. Maybe that is the difference between males and females. Try to jump over this hurdle and make it a calendar day in which you took control of your feelings. Spirits up ...come on!
Ok iron- you win lol
I wish i jumped but sadly i didnt. I broke down and txted him a nice bday and that opened a world of txting back n forth.
Bottom line, i feel some kind of closure. I\'d like to believe i did have some sort if impact on his life and he really does love me.
But I am done. I dont want to be with him. I want to continue to work on my M, which had been getting better these last 3 months since NC.
So i start again. And now January 11th will be the day I\'ve come to terms with everything and start taking back my life, again.