Had a real meltdown today, remembering the last time I was with my parents and we saw Scott (Mother's Day) He looked so sad as he walked away with his head bent down, we sat in the car and watched him walk away all feeling so helpless it was so profound but somehow we knew deep down that might be the last time we would see him, I remember wanting to call him back to the car. That was the last time my parents saw him and that's the image that burns in their minds forever. I saw him the next day but I still remember that image of him walking away looking so sad. My heart feels as though it could just burst, everyday is getting worse as I imagined it would as the numbness begins to fade and the horrific reality of what happened settles in.                

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deleted_user
deleted_user

I believe; this tragedy; this life changing event will take you to many dark places daily on a regular basis for a very long time. You have endured - a lot of emotional pain & suffering. You have stood in the face of adversity - the lack of emotional support - the lack of a satisfying relationship - where we are parallel - in that respect - this numbness will fade - and come back - you are at the very begining - and yes the reality is horrific - it\'s tormenting and the thought processing seems like it will never stop - I so wish I could hug you; give you more comfort then a few lines of strength - but please just know - you are never alone here - here you can have melt-downs; cry it out - write it out - and know that an answer - a glimmer of hope - a hug - a friend will always be here for you. Honey; I still have flashbacks - and my son will be gone two years in August - you have to feel your pain in order to heal as sick as that may sound - I am so sorry - that you are hurting so much - I will keep you in my prayers - we are all here for you 24/7 - so take advantage of the concern for you that we all have - and stay with us - tell us more about him, let us get to know him as well - of course you loved him - every good mother loves their child unconditionally - no one is to blame for his illness - no one is going to judge you - or him - life happens - these conditions come with life - and are understandable - do not tear yourself up anymore tonight - try to rest - let your body relax and rest. Bless you.
judiep
judiep

Thank you so much for your kind words you have no idea how much they touch me, as you well know noone can reach another person as much as one who has experienced the pain themselves. Big Hugs,Judie
deleted_user
deleted_user

I find that the memories sometimes bring me to my knees.. when I least expect it to.. our childs death has changed us forever and we will never be the same, I try to honor Anthony each day and do something that he would be proud of.. sending you a big hug...